Need a vice
Hi there - I'm new here. Wanting to "clean up my act." My biggest problem right now is that I've always needed a vice. I went from an eating disorder as a teenager, to being really in love with stimulants (meth, dexies, adderall, coke) in my first couple years of college, to booze now. Everyone says to get involved in what you care about - but I already am. I sincerely care about certain social issues, and do what I can to be an activist for them - but at the end of the day, I still want that vice. I try painting, writing, walking, cooking, etc. etc. but it seems like all those things are better when I'm "under the influence" of something. There's always that voice in the back of my head that says "Well, you're just one of those people" and grabs the box o' wine. Right now, I'm concentrating on just cutting down. (I can easily slam down a dozen drinks a night.) I don't want to go to any meeting - i think it's weird, and I have huge anxiety issues as it is. Plus, I know that it's not *god* that's doing anything, it's me being dumb. If I just have a few, I'm fine, but otherwise it's jekyll and hyde. blah.