Mark75

Hi...

You would be describing me, oh, about 3 years ago... Before my downward spiral. That's when I pretty much quit trying to even hide it and I no longer listened to my amazing wife cry herself to sleep because I would just pass out rather than listen to it. That's when I began to completely disrespect and undervalue my career, family, home.

Now, I get on my knees and thank God I can still say I have a wife (who still loves me...) family, house. Last September I almost lost my profession, but, thank God, I didn't, but there are consequences, and my non alcoholic wife gets to share some of them - like lost income and helping to pay for my 8 week rehab stay, among other things.

I am coming up on 12 weeks clean and sober. Do I wish I could still drink like a normal person? You bet, but I can't, but even if I could, I'd lose my career (after putting in 22 years and counting...). Do I wish I could take back the betrayal and resulting suffering my disease caused my wife... oh yea.

Now, I put my sobriety first - before my family, home, career because I know, really know in my heart, that I'll lose them all if I pick up. Maybe, by this new way of living I am learning in AA I can, somehow, in some way, make it up to my wife. But it's one day at a time, and time will take time.

I feel better, physically, emotionally (well, now I actually have some...) and spiritually. I can see how far I've come. How far do I have to go? Right now, about another hour... and I'll go to bed with another day clean and sober. My wife by my side.

Thank you for your post - as you can see, it resonated with me. Go to an AA meeting, and keep going back.

Mark