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Inches away from becoming an alcoholic

Old 12-04-2008, 05:26 PM
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Inches away from becoming an alcoholic

Hi, I am a well settled professional with a decent earning, a well settled life, a house, a lovely and amazingly loving wife and a daughter.

I don't like to call myself and alcoholic but I dont miss a chance to steal a drink behind my wife's back every time I can. My wife trusts me so much that initially she caught me hiding a bottle here and there, and she believed the useless excuses that I gave her. But when this kept on happening, she realized that I was fooling her and she felt so hurt that she couldnt stop crying for hours on end.

I know that alcohol is bad for me. But seeing my wife in this condition is why I want to quit drinking altogether. I just cannot breach her trust anymore. This has been going on for a while now and I think I have pushed her trust too close to the edge. Please please help me quit. I just don't want to quit drinking on weekends, I want to stop this forever.

I have become dependent on alcohol because I was a loner before I started drinking and I think I have become really friendly and social after I started drinking. I have started associating alcohol with having a good time. For me, going out means drinking.

-Thanks
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Old 12-04-2008, 05:33 PM
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Hi need2quit

Welcome. I think you'll find this is a great place to read and post and generally get some great ideas.

Whether you call yourself an alcoholic is immaterial really- hiding drinks and being dependent on alcohol to function in any way just isn't good.

No-one should have to live like that.
The damage you may be doing to yr wife and marriage is secondary to the damage you're doing yourself.

I think you've made a good choice coming here.

See you 'round!
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Old 12-04-2008, 05:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Need2QuitNow View Post
Hi, I am a well settled professional with a decent earning, a well settled life, a house, a lovely and amazingly loving wife and a daughter.

I don't like to call myself and alcoholic but I dont miss a chance to steal a drink behind my wife's back every time I can. My wife trusts me so much that initially she caught me hiding a bottle here and there, and she believed the useless excuses that I gave her. But when this kept on happening, she realized that I was fooling her and she felt so hurt that she couldnt stop crying for hours on end.

I know that alcohol is bad for me. But seeing my wife in this condition is why I want to quit drinking altogether. I just cannot breach her trust anymore. This has been going on for a while now and I think I have pushed her trust too close to the edge. Please please help me quit. I just don't want to quit drinking on weekends, I want to stop this forever.

I have become dependent on alcohol because I was a loner before I started drinking and I think I have become really friendly and social after I started drinking. I have started associating alcohol with having a good time. For me, going out means drinking.

-Thanks

Hi needtoquit, glad you found us.

I suggest taking some time to look around this site and read some of our stories....I have a feeling a lot of them are going to hit home...I came on here the other day and I couldn't BELIEVE it..I was reading stories about myself thru everyone else's lives...we are all going thru it and understand each other, and we can get thru this together.
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Old 12-04-2008, 05:38 PM
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The good news is that if you're not alcoholic, this won't be all that difficult. If a medical detox is in order--that's the safest route if you've been drinking heavily and for an extended period--do that, and then you can go back to live as a sober man. If you are alcoholic, though, whether or not you like the word, you might find it more difficult. For alcoholics, quitting is the easy part. Staying stopped takes some work.

Lots of folks will be through here offering different options. AA worked for me.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 12-04-2008, 05:38 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us and that you are seeking help.

Hiding alcohol and sneaking drinks is a sign that you have a problem and I'm glad that you want to stop drinking.

I have found that, since I stopped drinking, I am less comfortable in social situations. But, I really don't care. It's a small price to pay for the freedom from the addiction.

I would suggest that you stop drinking for yourself. It's very hard to do and to do it for someone else is very difficult.
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Old 12-04-2008, 05:44 PM
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Need2QuitNow,
I completely understand where you are coming from. This is my very first time in this forum and this is also my very first post. Instead of introducing right away, I came across your post and it touched my heart. I too feel that I am hurting my Husband with my drinking...He used to drink alot about a year ago, now he barely touches it. I wish I could be more like him...he just puts up with me. He even goes and buys it for me just to keep my happy.
I just wanted to come in here and tell you that I understand what you are saying and thank you for sharing with us. I hope that we can help eachother out.
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Old 12-04-2008, 05:48 PM
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Hi all,

Thanks for so many replies so quick. I already feel I have so many friends out there. I am gonna look around this forum and read other's stories for more info.

By the way, I heard that there is a pill out there and if you have it it will cause very unpleasant effects if you have alcohol within 24 hours of eating it. Does anyone know about this? I think this will be a really good start for me...since the weekend is coming and I normally start drinking Friday evening and drink till Sunday evening (not continuously) but I would say 4 beers every evening.

The reason why I think I am almost an alcoholic is although I normally drink only on weekends but today (i.e Thursday and also Tuesday this week) I was working from home and I ended up drinking a whole bottle of wine both days.
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Old 12-04-2008, 05:51 PM
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Originally Posted by helpme1242008 View Post
Need2QuitNow,
I completely understand where you are coming from. This is my very first time in this forum and this is also my very first post. Instead of introducing right away, I came across your post and it touched my heart. I too feel that I am hurting my Husband with my drinking...He used to drink alot about a year ago, now he barely touches it. I wish I could be more like him...he just puts up with me. He even goes and buys it for me just to keep my happy.
I just wanted to come in here and tell you that I understand what you are saying and thank you for sharing with us. I hope that we can help eachother out.
helpme, thank you for having the courage to post....I joined the other day..and trust me...it has been such a release and I feel so much better that I have been posting and talking and letting everything out.

I am so glad you both are here. you will see how awesome this site is. :ghug3
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Old 12-04-2008, 06:55 PM
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Need2quitnow - Your situation sounds extremely similar to mine. I haven't had a drink in 11 days now and this place has been a real big help. If you want to quit you have a lot of great resources here to help you do it.

Here is my first post from the other day, you might see some similarities too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-guy-here.html
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Old 12-04-2008, 07:06 PM
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Well... WELCOME! You have found the right community of people, Need2Quit. Take it day by day. That's a basic rule for alcoholics... and I suppose those suffering from other addictions. You can do it! I believe you have the spirit and drive to quit.

btw, I can totally relate to the sneaking drinks. I started doing that recently... it made me feel awful, but I just couldn't stop myself!

I'm so glad you are here,

Hollyce
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Old 12-04-2008, 07:22 PM
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Antabuse is the drug you are talking about, it makes you really sick if you drink. It lasts longer than 24 hours though. It is also very dangerous - you can die if you drink on it - so a lot of Drs in the US will not even prescribe it anymore. I am no Dr. so please consult yours.

Campral is prescribed for cravings and does not have the danger Antabuse has. Talk to your Dr about this.
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Old 12-04-2008, 07:31 PM
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Welcome. I also hide (or DID hide) drinks from my partner as well. My fav time of day was 530pm sneaking my drinks in before he got home.
I am Day 3.
Welcome.
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Old 12-04-2008, 07:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Need2QuitNow View Post

Hi, I am a well settled professional with a decent earning, a well settled life, a house, a lovely and amazingly loving wife and a daughter.

I dont miss a chance to steal a drink behind my wife's back every time I can.
Hi...

You would be describing me, oh, about 3 years ago... Before my downward spiral. That's when I pretty much quit trying to even hide it and I no longer listened to my amazing wife cry herself to sleep because I would just pass out rather than listen to it. That's when I began to completely disrespect and undervalue my career, family, home.

Now, I get on my knees and thank God I can still say I have a wife (who still loves me...) family, house. Last September I almost lost my profession, but, thank God, I didn't, but there are consequences, and my non alcoholic wife gets to share some of them - like lost income and helping to pay for my 8 week rehab stay, among other things.

I am coming up on 12 weeks clean and sober. Do I wish I could still drink like a normal person? You bet, but I can't, but even if I could, I'd lose my career (after putting in 22 years and counting...). Do I wish I could take back the betrayal and resulting suffering my disease caused my wife... oh yea.

Now, I put my sobriety first - before my family, home, career because I know, really know in my heart, that I'll lose them all if I pick up. Maybe, by this new way of living I am learning in AA I can, somehow, in some way, make it up to my wife. But it's one day at a time, and time will take time.

I feel better, physically, emotionally (well, now I actually have some...) and spiritually. I can see how far I've come. How far do I have to go? Right now, about another hour... and I'll go to bed with another day clean and sober. My wife by my side.

Thank you for your post - as you can see, it resonated with me. Go to an AA meeting, and keep going back.

Mark
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Old 12-04-2008, 08:04 PM
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Welcome to our newer members....
Need2
Helpme...

Good to see y'all here with us
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Old 12-04-2008, 09:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Need2QuitNow View Post
Hi, I am a well settled professional with a decent earning, a well settled life, a house, a lovely and amazingly loving wife and a daughter.

I don't like to call myself and alcoholic but ....

For a long time, I thought that since I only drank Chardonnay, I was too civilized to be an alcoholic.

It didn't matter that I was hiding my drinking, drinking at least 2 bottles a day, and doing things like buying a large McDonald's lemonaid, pouring it out, and pouring wine in so I could drink it through a straw while I watched my children play at the park.
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Old 12-04-2008, 09:34 PM
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Originally Posted by mle-sober View Post
For a long time, I thought that since I only drank Chardonnay, I was too civilized to be an alcoholic.
hahaha this totally made me choke on the water I was just drinking!!! omg it is so true!!! i drank red wine and thought i was sooooo classy, and it was ok because all of these reports you hear on the radio that it is good for you....

what denial we were in. I'm so glad we saw the light.
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Old 12-05-2008, 03:04 AM
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Welcome Need2quit

I hid most of my drinking as well, my wife would see me drink 2 beers, what she wouldn't see was the vodka consumed in private or poured into a can of coke then drank.

That was 7 months ago though, no regrets about quitting, try it, stopping may not be for you, quitting for a couple of weeks ain't going to do you any harm though.

Am I an alcoholic ? are you ? does it really matter. I have definately identified that my life is better with no alcohol in it.

Hope you find your answers
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Old 12-05-2008, 03:32 AM
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Welcome, as you see you are not alone. I am (was) also a wine drinker. The glass that I had in the fancy crystal glass in front of people wasn't so much the problem, it was the little bottles that I had stashed in the closet. I too feel blessed that I stopped before I lost my family. Twelve days and counting for me, and I am thrilled.
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Old 12-05-2008, 03:42 AM
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Welcome!! You've found a wonderful place, filled with wonderful people.
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Old 12-05-2008, 04:25 AM
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hi "need to quit" and thankyou for that post.

You have helped me today to remember where drinking took me for that i thankyou.

Like me it seems you have reached the point where you cant live with it or without it.

like you...i had a top job with all the trimmimgs, two daughters a wife and all the fast cars i could eat.

I tried every easier softer route other than stopping drinking..

Then the day come when i had to admit to myself i was an alcoholic.

by this time id lost everything and was a street vagrant or bum.

My home was a porch outside a casino here in the uk.

Riches to rags in two years.

Its been a while now since my last drink and hand on heart my life has never been better.

Out of all the routes i tried ONLY aa and the twelve steps worked.

I can believe it looking back........all i really needed was an honest desire to stop drinking and aa

I believe YOU can stop....but please dont waste time like me.. Go to your nearest aa meeting....Try to keep going back

Keep coming back to this site and take everyday as a new day.

One of the most horrific elements of alcoholism is it will keep telling you your NOT an alcoholic while quietly killing you.

You are amongst friends and god be with you........trucker
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