Thanks littlefish, yes I am/was the same as you in regards to that. I am trying to be more organised & look after myself.
This might sounds really pathetic, but it's amazing how much I am 'leaning' on this forum. So nice not to feel alone in wanting to drink (even though I am NOT going to do it).
Thanks for your support Mariposa
Ksplash, thanks. I know I need to focus on this area. I just don't know how. My stomach butterflies go, my hand starts to get sweaty, I feel like I can't walk (frozen). When I do something I say it in such a hesitant way that I think people loose interest in me.
The funny thing is I can talk with shop assistants etc..... strangers, because it's just one on one & I feel like because they are bored they would like talking to me. I don't feel that way around my partners group of friends.
Thanks Bumble. Well it's day 2. I have 1/4 a bottle of the yummiest sauv blanc in my fridge. I haven't touched it. I haven't told my partner what I am doing. I am hoping he will just see my actions. I am making sure I have soft drink in the house (sometimes this helps me a bit). I am really focusing on how sick I feel, and how my head hurts, and how I snap at my son the next day after I have had drinks the night before.
I am trying to think of my liver & my health.
Just trying to keep, keep thinking about ALL these other things and keep trying to kick hard my brain going "go on, you deserve it, one little sip while nobody can see".
Lost butterfly - I am way to scared for AA> I mean I look fine (I am NOT saying other alcoholics don't look fine), it's just other people act like I am ok. I present myself half decent, I am only 24. I have even had my friends tell me I am fine & don't have a problem. I am scared people would laugh at me and say you are not an achoholic, you just need to cut back on the drinks.
Even now I didn't have a drink yesterday my mind is telling me I don't have a problem (I am aware this is to justify having a drink now that I am "ok" supposedly so I am ignoring this feeling).
Meetings are just way way to scary for me to be honest. I want to try & do this alone (for now).
Sorry everyone if I sound all over the show. It's a bit of up/down. God, and it's only Day 2! LOL!
The REAL test will be a social function.