saartje,
I understand how you are feeling! I get the same way. First of all, when I get really upset, I write in a journal/notebook. I try to write down exactly how I'm feeling so that I'm not just pushing those feelings away. i've found the hard way that if I push away anxious feelings, it just gets worse. I need to acknowledge everything I feel (palms sweating, stomach hurting, jaw tightening, etc.).
I've been working on getting my life together so that I will have some kind of life even if he doesn't get his together. I'm making an effort to contact friends. I'm trying not to hide away from people because I'm embarassed by his actions. I've also been honest with a couple of close friends who I trust. I've told them exactly what is going on. I've also been working on getting a job, and I've been trying to do the things that I keep putting off--selling a couple of things on eBay, running some errands, making some important phone calls.
I've been spending time on here--that really, really helps. Lastly, I've been trying to do some things that I enjoy that have nothing to do with him or recovery or drugs. I've been crocheting and going to the library to find books that sound interesting.
Take care.