How do you guys deal with them detoxing?

Old 12-02-2008, 09:01 PM
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Unhappy How do you guys deal with them detoxing?

My husband is a miserable creature to be around for the weeks that it takes him to detox. (Obviously, we've been through this more than once.) Problem is, I think he expects sympathy and nurturing from me, but I'm not feeling it. He's detoxing from a recent relapse; I'm pissed and hurt enough about that that I'm not going to be sympathetic that he feels so bad. Meanwhile, I'm picking up all the extra slack around the house and with our daughter, so yeah, not feeling it at all.

So, how do you deal -- what do you do -- in those circumstances?
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Old 12-02-2008, 10:09 PM
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No words of wisdom here from me on this one....been there also and I can't say I've dealt with it nicely. The first time he was under the care of a doctor and was weaning down off methadone -- very slowly -- over about 2 months. That was the worst. Back then I tried to help him, but after that I told him it was his deal because *he* chose to get back on pain killers again. I can understand that it must be really, really hard for them to do, but I'm just not able to put up with his mood swings and the wailing (because of bone pain) keeping me up all night. Not anymore anyways. Luckily, the last few times he's gone into a detox center which is a good idea if it's possible. It would be good for you to not have to be around it and it would me more safe for him -- if it's possible. If that isn't possible, maybe just getting away for a while would help and/or doing things to keep your mind focused on other things, like you and your daughter. Hope it goes well for you --
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Old 12-03-2008, 01:35 AM
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An honest answer....................................

"Well gee, if you feel that bad, I know detoxing can be dangerous, better get yourself to the ER."

Repeat above phrase over and over as needed.

That will get through to him, eventually.

And actually detoxing can be very dangerous.....................in truth I died and they were putting the TOD on my chart.

I NEVER suggest that an addict and/or alcoholic detox at home, it is just NOT SAFE.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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Old 12-03-2008, 07:21 AM
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Originally Posted by laurie6781 View Post
An honest answer....................................

And actually detoxing can be very dangerous.....................in truth I died and they were putting the TOD on my chart.

I NEVER suggest that an addict and/or alcoholic detox at home, it is just NOT SAFE.

Love and hugs,
What does TOD mean?

Also, I've heard that detoxing from alcohol is not safe, but my husband has detoxed from opiates a few times now? Is that just as unsafe? He's freaking miserable (and a pain in the rear) to be around, and I'm also wondering how long that typically goes on.

He was using the whole month of October, quit more or less cold turkey around Veteran's Day (9/10, 9/11, something like that), but he's still complaining about terrible headaches, sweats, and achiness. I'm kind of suspicious, simply because I thought he went through the worst of it a few weeks ago. Last night, he crashed from the time he got home from work around 4:30 and didn't really wake up until this morning. Could that still be detoxing-related, as he says, or something else.....?
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Old 12-03-2008, 08:32 AM
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tod means time of death. i am also a fellow opiate addict saartje, who has detoxed at home more times than he can count and while it is very painful and uncomfortable it really isnt life threatining. eventhough his body will be shouting to him that if he doesnt get some more dope // oxys or whatever his opiate choice is that he will die its simply not true.

Over the years i developed some great tips for at home detox.

-Make sure he drinks lots of water and gatorade. no soda as soda has sugar and it will give him a bit of a sugar rush then a crash(while this isnt a big deal to people who are normal, to somebody detoxing it will make them very depressed when the crash comes)

-stick with crackers and goldfish, lipton soups and such for the first few days. Light things so thta his stomach can easily digest it and he wont be throwing it right back up within 5 minutes of getting it down.

- tylenol pm(vicks nyquil works good also) at night will probably get him an extra 40 minutes of sleep than he normally would get so i suggest having him take that. I used to use xanax bars to try and get to sleep but i wouldnt recommend this because most of the time i was just a slurring half awake mess while on them because i would take so many trying to fall asleep. so just stick with the OTC stuff like tyelnol or even unisom.

- for the bone aches make sure he gets in the jacuzzi(if you guys got one) or just a hot bath(hot shower if you dont have a bath but he probably wont wanna do the shower cus he will have to stand up for the shower and he will have no energy at all to do that) just let him sit and soak in the hot water for 30 - to 60 minutes. This will ease his muscles and bones where it will be easy for him to fall asleep. I used to take like 4 hot baths a night the first few nights of detox.

- for entertainment heh..not really much that can be said for this one as he will think pretty much everything you suggest is "dull" i just sat in my room watching dvds and sportscenter.

-- make sure he has plenty of tissues clean towels and clean clothes to use. really helps the person detoxing feel more comfortable if they have clean clothes. keep a bucket near his bed as well(you dont wanna be cleaning up throwup off the carpet or floor i dont think)

-- also one very important thing , i know every addict is different and the dopesickness affects each person in different ways but for me, around the 2nd night or 3rd morning the sickness would start to subside a bit (i wasnt feeling better but i was not deatly ill anymore) and i would start to get real anxious and tons of energy (feeling of wanting to crawl outta your skin) and this is usually the point i would always be off and running to the dealer. so to avoid this maybe you wanna take his bankcard / credit cards / any cash he has laying around // phone just to be safe. i know he is a grown man but during detox hes basically reverted back to a helpless infant.

hope some of that helped and remember to tell him that this is the LAST time he ever has to go through this. stay safe ~~ scott
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Old 12-03-2008, 08:39 AM
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Originally Posted by saartje View Post
What does TOD mean?

Also, I've heard that detoxing from alcohol is not safe, but my husband has detoxed from opiates a few times now? Is that just as unsafe? He's freaking miserable (and a pain in the rear) to be around, and I'm also wondering how long that typically goes on.

He was using the whole month of October, quit more or less cold turkey around Veteran's Day (9/10, 9/11, something like that), but he's still complaining about terrible headaches, sweats, and achiness. I'm kind of suspicious, simply because I thought he went through the worst of it a few weeks ago. Last night, he crashed from the time he got home from work around 4:30 and didn't really wake up until this morning. Could that still be detoxing-related, as he says, or something else.....?
my gut is telling me that he is still using. opiate detox varies for what type of opiate they are using. you didnt mention what type he relapsed on but ive been addicted to basically all of them and heres a rough chart of how long they all lasted for me ::

Oxycontin (6 80mg pills daily for 1 and a half years) : withdrawal usually set in around 8 hours from my last use. peaked around 48 hours in (the worst of the w/d was at this period) and subsided around day 6. at day 8 i remember feeling fully better (physically not mentally but no sickness at all was left)

Heroin (2 bundles IV per day for 1 year) : withdrawal set in around 24 hours from last use. peaked 60 hours in, and subsided around day 8. by the 10th day i felt fully functional and not dependent on dope anymore.

so while it DOES depend on what type of opiate hes using, bynow any type of withdrawal from any opiate (even methadone the longest withdrawal that there is, should be over HAD he not used any since vets day)

sorry to say this but my gut is telling me that he has definitely used since vets day if he is still complaining about all the symptoms...hope i am wrong ~~ scott
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Old 12-03-2008, 11:40 AM
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Thanks, Scott. You can see how stressed I am -- when I said Veteran's day, I meant to put the dates in as 11/9, 11/10, somewhere around there.

I asked him last night if he had called for his counseling appointment yet, and he lied again. Said that he "kept playing phone tag" with the therapist and "couldn't get through" when in reality, he called once, the therapist called back immediately, and then my husband never callled back.

I feel sick to my stomach. I usually deal very well with stress, but I can't eat, can't sleep, can't think straight, my heart feels like it's racing all the time, and I'm constantly on the verge of tears. I'm a mess. I have no idea if he's ever telling me the truth or not, and then he gets pissed when I act like I don't believe him.
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Old 12-03-2008, 11:52 AM
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saartje,
I understand how you are feeling! I get the same way. First of all, when I get really upset, I write in a journal/notebook. I try to write down exactly how I'm feeling so that I'm not just pushing those feelings away. i've found the hard way that if I push away anxious feelings, it just gets worse. I need to acknowledge everything I feel (palms sweating, stomach hurting, jaw tightening, etc.).

I've been working on getting my life together so that I will have some kind of life even if he doesn't get his together. I'm making an effort to contact friends. I'm trying not to hide away from people because I'm embarassed by his actions. I've also been honest with a couple of close friends who I trust. I've told them exactly what is going on. I've also been working on getting a job, and I've been trying to do the things that I keep putting off--selling a couple of things on eBay, running some errands, making some important phone calls.

I've been spending time on here--that really, really helps. Lastly, I've been trying to do some things that I enjoy that have nothing to do with him or recovery or drugs. I've been crocheting and going to the library to find books that sound interesting.

Take care.
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Old 12-03-2008, 11:55 AM
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I have no idea if he's ever telling me the truth or not, and then he gets pissed when I act like I don't believe him.
If you practice detachment from his addiction, you will feel better.

I learned I couldn't trust my son's father to tell me the truth about his "recovery", so I stopped asking. You have so much to deal with - your daughter your house. Let him deal with his addiction on his own. Focus on what YOU need to do to ensure YOUR health and the safety of your daughter.

Try saying the serenity prayer - codie version. It brings me peace.

Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

Boundaries help too.

A boundary I might set in your situation would be:

I value the truth. Since I cannot trust what you tell me about your recovery, I will no longer ask you questions about it.
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Old 12-03-2008, 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
if this keeps up, what are YOUR options? sounds like you've been on this merry go round before, and nothing has really changed. your whole world is hinged on HIM, is he using, is he detoxing, is he telling the truth, is he lying, is he sick, is he gonna get better, is he gonna get help???? it's what HE'S DOING RIGHT NOW that matters, cuz this is what ya got to deal with. his using is making YOU sick. usually that's reserved the person TAKING the drugs.

what are you willing to do for YOU to get better? regardless of what he does????
Well, I'm getting my nerve up to kick him out. I'm scared to death. Scared, sad, stressed -- you name it -- but we have a 3-year old, and I can see how all of this is affecting her, and that's the last straw.
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Old 12-03-2008, 12:46 PM
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I'm going to disagree with Scott. Check with your local ER. Detoxing from opiates can be very dangerous, including seizures and possible death.

TOD is Time of Death.

As to all YOU can do for him during his detox, BULL. Print out the list above and HAND IT TO HIM. It's up to him to do it for himself or get to an ER. You are NOT RESPONSIBLE for him.

I asked him last night if he had called for his counseling appointment yet, and he lied again. Said that he "kept playing phone tag" with the therapist and "couldn't get through" when in reality, he called once, the therapist called back immediately, and then my husband never callled back.
Yep, he's still QUACKING. That is his addiction and this 'detox' is just another manipulation IMHO to keep his nice warm comfy spot in your home, instead of working on his problems. Doesn't sound like he's ready yet, just giving lip service to keep the status quo.......................................and only you can change what that status quo is or will be.

Well, I'm getting my nerve up to kick him out. I'm scared to death. Scared, sad, stressed -- you name it -- but we have a 3-year old, and I can see how all of this is affecting her, and that's the last straw.
GOOD FOR YOU. You are absolutely correct, this is not good for your child and yes it is and will continue to affect her. Children are like sponges, they absorb EVERYTHING, good vibes and bad. It is also not good for your own well being, peace of mind, and serenity. If you keep your focus on yourself and your child, I just know you will do what is best for the both of you!!!!!!

We are here for you, and we do care, please keep letting us know how YOU are doing.

Love and hugs,
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Old 12-03-2008, 05:03 PM
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I had the hardest time being sympathetic at all. Since I learned he was using drugs on the exact day our daughter was due, he quit using, then detoxed for the next two weeks. I had our child a week after the due-date and he was detoxing and whimpering and crying and sleeping (and sleeping and sleeping,) and I was so utterly pissed at him. I was the one who had a baby. I was the one who had a c-section. I was the one who had to feed the baby, stay up with the baby, take care of the baby (and myself.) What the f? Seriously. No sympathy for that. None.

The relapse detox pissed me off as well. He lied about it at first and said he was sick. He would lay in bed and cry like a little kid. Ohhhh.. ohhh... oooooaaahhhhhhhh ohhhh (kind of a nasaly whining cry.) And he would do this all night in between twitching in bed and snoring and then he'd get pissed when I went into the baby's room to sleep because I couldn't get a wink of rest with him flopping around in bed and moaning like a hurt dog.

During that second detox, I went to stay at my mom's a few days into it, just to get away from him. I couldn't stand to be near him. I couldn't turn the television up very loud for fear of waking him up. I couldn't do the dishes because that would wake him up. I felt like a prisoner in my own home.

He called me a few days after I left and begged me to take him to the doctor because he had a nasal infection. I did, but since he was a captive "audience, I took the time to bitch at him for the entire 20 minutes during the drive and I poured out every single bitchy, mean and nasty thing he'd ever done to me and how it had made me feel. He couldn't get away, so he had to sit there. And he did. And he cried and whined and whenever he'd start to back-talk, I'd slam on the brakes and he would holler and cry some more about being in pain.

He had to wait 2 hours at the doctor (this was a clinic,) and he just lay on the examination table and whined/moaned some more. I left him there to get some lunch and he called me for a ride back home when he was done.

The thing is, now that's he in recovery, whenever he gets sick, I find it very hard to feel bad for him. I'm trying to be better about it, but I still remember the s*it he put me through. Every day's a new start, though, right?
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Old 12-03-2008, 08:46 PM
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ZombieWife, I think we're married to the same guy. My husband's alcoholism started getting serious around the time our daughter was born, and I remember thinking, Oh hell no -- NOT FAIR. And, like you, I also now have no sympathy whatsoever when he's genuinely sick. Heck, I manage to drag myself to work when I have a cold, so really, shut up and deal. Sometimes I feel bad about not being very sympathetic anymore, but then I remember everything he's put me through, and I don't feel guilty about it.

Is it wrong that I literally laughed out loud at the thought of slamming on the brakes with a whiny, pain-in-the-rear detoxing husband in the passenger seat?
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