Aaaah Dan, Ya take me back, and indeed I can really relate to that one. When I sobered up I was still “working�.. I was flying all over the country and the Caribbean “doing disasters� rarely if ever sober. Hmmmm come to think of it I WAS the disaster. At any rate, when we’d close up a job, we’d always have a wild ass party prior to departure. Having “sobered up, I was in some way “prepared for that one, and simply “avoided� it. Made an early appearance, had an iced tea, or two, said what I needed to, then beat feet back to my motel room. If I remember correctly, I may have even found a meeting that night.
What I WASN’T prepared for, was that flight home the next day. It wasn’t all that uncommon for the “crew� of the plane to actually buy us drinks since most of us wore our identification and were pretty visible. Even as the cart started making it’s way down the isle, I was a little taken aback , but certainly not ready to screw it up. Even when she asked, and I shakily demurred, opting for coffee instead, I wasn’t ready for the “But sir, the crew and the captain wish to thank you for your efforts, and they’ll be no charge.�
Geeeeez, I don’t think I EVER wanted a drink so bad. It was all mixed up with what I thought I “deserved�, the crushing oppression of the previous month or so, the release, the recognition, feelings of self worth, and inflation of an already massive ego.. I could quite literally “taste� the stuff (but that’s another story). I can recall looking at that pretty little stewardess, and wishing she was one of the stewards, so I could bite his head off when I said “No�. Even as that thought went through my head, so did, “Jesus, this is one I really worked my ass off for�, and there it all was. Pure, crystalline. screwed up and devious, the problem, and the solution, me, and my disease.
I can say, that was pretty much the last drink I ever “craved� though, and even though processing that moment would take a while longer. The obsession was lifted. It will always come down to that moment when it’s just “us� and that drink sometimes repetitively if we’ve not done our work well. And the “thing� that will make the difference will be not our will necessarily, but what it is that we insert between us and that drink,----------if we do.
Jeff