(((Rozied))) Big mom-to-mom hugs..
Today, my son is one day out of jail, having made his own bail. He has spent the last two years — after several wonderful years of sobriety — riding his addiction, refusing to accept responsibility, blaming the world.
I really wonder whether he timed his relapses to my November birthday (!) - but this year is different. It's the first year in three that I am not broke, or frantic, or trying to get him into a halfway house, or a car, or a job, or to the doctor —
I finally got far enough into my own al-anon program to accept that I am powerless over his addiction. No one can even make me quit chocolate. What are the chances I will be able to force my 22-year-old to give up addictive chemicals? Slim and none.
We are truly powerless over their behavior, but not over ours. I think in some ways, our choices to be healthy are even tougher that the addict's, because every instinct is to "help" our children. But with an addict, to help them is so often to hurt them.
I have lost a father, two uncles and now, a brother is dying of this terrible disease. I don't want to lose my son, and I know you don't want to lose yours. But I promise you that the more you step away from becoming involved in his addictive, manipulative behaviors (and that's not a put-down, it's just part of the disease) the more reasons he will have to get sober.
My AS will now have to go back before a judge and explain why he hasn't been aggressively working an AA or NA program. If he is lucky, he will have a public defender. He may lose his job. I don't know. But I will not be sick with him. I will love him, and celebrate his sobriety, if that is where his journey takes him. And I will pray that my son's higher power keeps him in the light ~ just as I pray tonight that my own higher power gives me courage.
And Rozied, please accept my prayers for you and your son, too---Nitelite