Thanks for sharing and my heart goes out to you! Us drunks don't only hurt ourselves, but our children, family, friends the list goes on. Al-Anon is a great help for family members suffering from the alcoholics in their lives. My step-mom years ago started going (due to me mainly - my dad is not an alcoholic) and it was very liberating for her and she seemed to find herself again and create boundaries that gave her strength.
All the feelings you are going through and the reality of what you face day-to-day and not uncommon whatsoever. Just as us alcoholics can relate to one another on very deep and not so deep issues, there are those that you will be able to too! I encourage you to seek out support because you truly are not alone.
Sincerely,
Nicki