Hi Rozied. Just keep doing what your doing. No enabling. ;-)
My ex is still in jail. Well he was released last week. But they moved him back to county to face charges of DUI and hit & run.
His mother, I am sad to say. Is out of her mind! Some crackhead girlfriend of his came up with $1000 bond for him and his mother co-signed to get him out. I can't even believe it. He hasn't done a thing for him mother in the last 7 years. The only time he talks to her is when he needs something and if she doesn't give it too him, he hangs up on her and won't call her for months or years - until he's back in jail. Then she is his best-friend again (when she puts what little money she has on his books). And my ex has a long long history of running when he is not in jail. He's just stupid when he gets high, so he always gets caught. This has been going on for years.
It's so sad to see his mother be treated this way. But I can't change it. Poor woman is all doped up on anti-D's and valiums etc. She lives in a rundown single wide trailer, is 65 years old and works in a hotel laundry. Her husband is dead. And her son only takes from her - he never gives. It breaks my heart. But it's her choice to do it I guess.
Anyway, I digress.
He's not out yet. But probably will be before thanksgiving. It's taking all my strength not to go down to the jail and ask him if he plans on seeing his son. But I'm not going to do it. Because he needs to be free to live his life the way he chooses. I can't change him.
I guess that the point of my story is: We can love them. But we can't change them. We can't control them. We can't cure them. Most importantly we must not enable them. As you can see, until they run out of enablers, the chance that they will get better is very very small. As sad and disgusting as their behavior is, it's not ours to own.
The children of addicts children suffer so much. My little boy did an exercise at shool for Thanksgiving last week. The kids drew a picture of what they are most thankful for. He drew a picture of me and his father. His teacher told me he said he is most thankful for his daddy.
That made me want to puke considering his father doesn't give a rip about him and hasn't seen him in over a year.