Wow, Cassandra2, that gave me goose bumps. My ex even said not long before he left that he experienced me as being too strong. I now know what he meant. Our strength makes them feel their weakness and emphasizes their failures, you're right. I like how you say that is why they stay gone. I had a similar thought some time ago and that was....if he really had gotten his life together, I probably would have heard from him by now because I'm sure we would be the first they would want to know if they were sober. They'd want us to know they finally had the strength to do it. The fact that I haven't heard anything probably indicates his life is not as great as he would like me to believe. Afterall, as you said, they no longer have the person that loved them despite all their problems.