Loner1968, I appreciate your 'bluntness' so don't worry. I need to hear the truth, even though I may not always like it. You summed up my feelings when you said you felt like you 'drove him away' and that you told him you 'couldn't stand being treated like you didn't matter.'
I think the worst part of living with my XAH was that no matter how much I did for him, I just felt like I didn't matter. What I'm sure we all want to feel is special and cherished. But to bend ourselves out of shape for someone as we ride the roller coaster of their addiction with them, thinking that we'll be appreciated for it is an exercise in futility. Then to have them leave and turn on us as if we're the problem and they have to get away from us is the ultimate is such a slap in the face. I understand it's probably what they have to tell themselves to justify their leaving, but still it doesn't feel very good.