Originally Posted by
prairiegirl 
It's been more than 5 months since my XAH and I separated and still I find myself wishing he would contact me and ask to come back. I know I was miserable the way I was living with his drinking behaviour, but I keep longing for the man he used to be. In my fantasy, he calls me up, tells me he's finally given up drinking and realized that he lost the best thing he ever had and wants to come back. Even though he stopped calling several months ago, I still feel like it's hard to move on. I was the one who asked him to leave, which he reminded me of several times, and basically said that I got what I asked for. But it's not that I ever wanted him to leave....I wanted the other woman (the bottle) to leave. The bottle won out. Does anyone out there ever have these kind of mixed feelings? And if so, what do you do when the sadness and regret hits you?
Your fantasy could be mine exactly!! I so completely get what you're going thru ... i wish I knew what to tell you to make it stop ... but I haven't figured that one out yet.
I also was the one to kick him out ... and yet I feel like he's left me ... and I too, never wanted to break up or for him to leave ... I wanted him to stop lying, stealing, sneaking around, shutting me out, using drugs etc ... I wanted him to be the person I saw glimpses of ... I wanted him to be the person he was when we first got together ... I wanted him to be that person all the time ... but I saw less and less of him as time went on.
When the sadness and regret hits me, I come here, cry my eyes out, post what I'm going thru and have a whole bunch of people here to tell me it is going to be okay. Without this forum, I don't know where I'd be right now but I know it wouldn't be a good place.