Im sure most of us have felt like this, its a vicious cycle to be caught in, the first time my xah husband left he was gone for 3 1/2 months and i wished for him back every second of that time, but the hell started over about 5-6 months after he got back, about a year or so later he left again for 5 1/2 months and again i went nuts wanting him back and missing him, he comes back and again hes good for about 6 months then my hell starts over, he sticks around almost two years this time i think, then he leaves again and this time hes been gone almost 8 months this time, yet this time has been more hell than before, i was pregnant this time, and hes been in contact on and off constantly the whole time, which has made it worse for me, at least the other times i didnt hear from him until he was ready to come back and believe me the no contact is a whole lot better than the constant back and forth hes putting me through right now
as much as it hurts we are both better off without an alcoholic in our life, when i get really really low i just turn my favorite songs on that fit whatever mood im in and i just lay there until the feeling passes or i just get busy to get my mind off my problems
from my experiance sometimes they do contact you and want to come back, but you got to ask yourself if you really want to go back through all of that, is it really worth it? i wish to god i would have let mine go the first time he left, i would be so much farther than i am now
hang in there :ghug3