Hi Lost,
In my opinion an alcoholic is an alcoholic and that's it. There is no going back, though most of us have wished and tried umpteen times. If you truly believe you are an alcoholic, then you have to accept this. If you are not an alcoholic, then you'll be able to drink when you choose to and not drink when you choose not to. One way to find out is simply to stop drinking completely for 3 months and see how you feel. Maybe you've already done this and know the answer. You see if I was to say I could drink once in a while, the first thing that would happen is the obsessive thinking - when will that be, what will I be drinking, etc. and before long the obsessive thoughts will push more and more of my day-to-day life out of the way. So, even if I never did pick up the drink, my mind is messed up with thoughts of alcohol. And, I will not let that happen again. There are too many other fabulous, wonderful things to think about instead of drinking. Keep posting and hang around here. There's lots of information and inspiration to be found.
Love, Anna