Originally Posted by
Lotus2008 
So how do you live with an alcoholic without enabling him/ her and yet not pretending that everything's peachy when in reality it isnt?
I couldn't. That's why I left and divorced him. I was tired of trying to pretend life was normal and acceptable when it wasn't.
Originally Posted by
Lotus2008 What about setting certain rules, like not talking to him when he's been drinking, etc. ... would that count as enabling (since the a. focuses all his/ her attention on the fact that you are being "mean" to/ "punish" him/her and not to the actual problem of his/ her addiction)?
I don't set rules for other adults. Rules are for children who don't have the maturity to decide for themselves what to do.
I think what you are trying to find out are boundaries perhaps. Boundaries are where you decide what is and is not acceptable behavior from someone and what you are willing to do if your boundaries are are violated. You set boundaries for yourself, to protect yourself from behaviors that are harmful to you in some way. Boundaries are not to control another person.
For instance, I have a boundary that is will not get into a discussion with someone who is drunk. I remove myself from the person whether that means leaving the room, leaving the building or whatever.