Originally Posted by
bloodshoteyes 
Can a recovering alcoholic be with a drinker? ...
I adore my common law --we very much love each other ...
Can I still help myself and be around someone who drinks? ...
Have any of you been in this situation? ...
Hi Bloodshoteyes
I am married, happily, to my (non alcoholic drinker - one white wine spritzer a night) soulmate for 24 years, four kids. I went into rehab Sept 14th and came home Nov. 6th. I drank to excess everyday for years and also was addicted to stimulants and sleeping pills. Until the last couple of years many a pleasant night was spent together with a drink or two (well, for me, four or more), snuggled on the couch or in front of the fire. Good music, candles, well you get the picture...
Now I don't drink, can't drink. I have to stay sober to save my life, to save my wonderful marriage and family, and to keep my career.
We are finding our way, but so many things are not easy. I am in early recovery and all of my energy, thoughts, time is spent on my recovery, ie, on myself. Our alone times, presently, whether intimate or just snuggling on the couch, are so important to us, with all the sh*& we are having to deal with. But to be honest, when she pours her drink, my stomach knots up, I get into a little self pity and feel like the bad boy who can't do what grown ups can...
That just sucks... And can ruin the night for me if I am not spiritually fit and comfortable in my sobriety at that moment. So I have to work at it, and I am not always successful.
I am working my way through this. But I won't lie, it's hard. But it's worth it. I love her sooo much and she loves me. I wish she'd give me a night or two when she doesn't pour a glass, maybe that time will come. Maybe the time will come where her drink has the same impact on my psyche as a glass of coke... One day at a time !!
There is no way I am going to lose this wonderful relationship over this. I am going to AA meetings, 90 in 90 !! It helps. I talk to my temporary sponsor, read and post here on SR, pray and meditate.
Also, very important, I am learning to give her space, respect her boundaries and remember, always, how much I love her. She has lots of work to do to adjust to our new dance and I can't do it for her. I can only work on learning my own new steps in this exciting new phase of our journey together.
I'm glad you posted, hope my experience helps in any small way...
Mark