Very sorry that you are going thru this. I can only speak for myself and my actions. I wanted to stop drinking for years, I felt guilty every "next morning", promised myself that this is it, never again...I tried to control it, just one or two drinks, drink something else not my alcohol of choice..I promised to quit drinking...BUt none worked. it Had control of me, my mind and body. Not until the drinking started really messing up my brain making me nuts did I realise I had to quit..and even then I relapsed..each relapse episode got worse and worse, the last one I realised I either stop the insanity or end up dead or in a nut house.....what I am telling you is that he will not quit until he really wants to insidenad that occurs I think when we hit our own rock bottom, what ever that may be for each of us. WE lie about drinking, we have to...we hide it..we really in our hearts don't want to hurt people or even let someone down..alcohol controls us in ways that is hard to explain. He could have walked away knowing he couldn't do it...when he found an enabler, a person to share the lifestyle he is unable to get rid of..it is much easier for him to do that right now..then to face something he is not ready to face. well enuf of that..I hope that makes sense..
I think that he has done you a huge favor, saved you from taking the plunge and possibly marrying him, living with him, it would in time caused you more hurt and pain then you are going thru now..keep going to alanon, keep posting. talk about your feelings, SR is here for you when ever you need us...Stay positive, life will get better...we all have to keep that thought or life can crush us to pieces. Sincerely Pam