Questions about alcoholism
Hello,
I recetnly joined SR an dhave been posting in the friends and family section for the last couple of weeks.
I am not an alcohlic, but dated one until a month ago. He was supposedly in recovery when we were together, but is now actively drinking. We dated for almost 4 years and were supposed to be engaged this winter. In a nutshell, I am temporarily away from him at grad school and he has told me for months about steps he was taking to stop drinking. Daily he would tell me about treatment and seeing his therapist. Last month I discovered that he was in fact still drinking and dating a new woman behind my back. They drink together and apparently got engaged after a two month courtship.
One day last month he just quit calling me, taking my calls or responding to emails. I had no idea what was going on, so I emailed his friends and found out what he had been up to. He has yet to face me. All these years and no word or explanation.
I am left to sort this out alone. Al anon is helping some, but I keep coming back to the same couple of questions: "Why did he do this? Why lie? Why wouldn't he stop drinking? What is the thinking behind these choices?" He went to rehab in 2006 and has gone to treatment off and on since then. He told me that he wanted to stop drinking, and was committed to quit. I don't expect anyone to know the answers to these questions, but thought that someone might have insights or be able to explain to me why someone would go through the motions and to the trouble of lying for a long time about quitting or continue in our relationship under false pretenses?
Alcohol has ruined his life. He hasn't worked or had a driver's license in years. His circle of friends has diminished and the quality of those people has gone from nice to users. I am 32 years old, have been his friend for 11 years, his girlfriend for the last 4, and he betrayed me for a 43 year old woman with shady character who he had known for only a couple of months. I don't get it. None of this makes sense to me.
I have read about alcoholism, but still can't get passed the "why" question. Why not quit or just be honest about drinking?