the relationship you describe is pathologic. alanon isa decent place to start. you may also consider support groups for families of addicts. these are usually run by local rehab centers and are great in that family members can ask direct questions to experienced counselors. all the family members are caring ad supportive. sharing is also allowed(alanon format)
counselors explain about addiction and how to deal with it for loved ones.
Your husband although he says he appreciates you "putting your foot down" it seems that he may be placating you since according to your post he still does basicall what he wants to do. Binges, addict friends, etc etc.
many people have add yet they are not addicts.
addicts can be very good at knowing how to get what they want from the enablers (us, you and me)
financial havoc seems to have quite a high inidence among addicts and or the loved oved ones trying to help.