Welcome to SR. I hope you find some help here.
I agree with the suggestion that you go to Al-Anon. If you can get some counseling or other type of professional help please do that.
I don't want to sound harsh or anything but please consider taking the necessary steps to not have any more children with this man. Children are a blessing but if the household is dysfunctional and/or you just can't afford to take care of more than 4, it really isn't fair to the kids. This is my opinion and I mean no insult to anyone. I have a brother and sister that are considerably older. There were three more after them. I've always believed that the two oldest were by choice, the rest of us were accidents. It was tough growing up in my house.
I wish you healing...