One of the reasons I continue to go to AA is because they said I would be happy, joyous and free. I did not get sober to be miserable. So in early recovery when I had the thoughts of drinking, I went to meetings and asked why am I obsessing about drinking, and how do you make it stop? Sometimes I needed to ask in several meetings for it to get through my obsession. I found that they would share their ES&H on how to get past this. When I was in counseling I asked my counseler how to get past my obsessions and she also gave me some things to do. The bottom line I had to change my thinking and I could not do it alone.....I needed a lot of recovering alcoholics to help me. Also letting go of alcohol for me was a big change and I had to look at alcohol as the poison that can destroy me, and somedays I didn't want to...I wanted to hold on to that reservation...eventually I realized I had to say goodbye to alcohol, and it left a big hole in me, as I had lost my best friend of many years..King alcohol.
Also for me when I snap and people around me are the victems of my anger, I slowly learned to stop myself and say the serenity prayer over and over so as to not hurt loved ones, and I was tired of the amends I had to make after...apologizing and meaning it.
Also this reading reminds me what to do....
The Two Wolves
An old Cherokee told his grandson
about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said,
'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all..
One is Evil.
It is anger,
envy,
jealousy,
sorrow,
regret,
greed,
arrogance,
self-pity,
guilt,
resentment,
inferiority,
lies,
false pride,
superiority,
and ego.
The other is Good.
It is joy,
peace,
love,
hope,
serenity,
humility,
kindness,
benevolence,
empathy,
generosity,
truth,
compassion
and faith.'
The grandson thought about it for a minute
and then asked his grandfather:
'Which wolf wins?'
The old Cherokee simply replied,
'The one you feed.'