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Wanted to drink so bad today!!!

Old 11-08-2008, 05:07 PM
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Unhappy Wanted to drink so bad today!!!

I wanted to drink so bad today. I am not even sure what happened, I was just mad at the world or something! I was so irratible. I snapped at everyone that crossed my path. By the afternoon, all I wanted to do was go to a bar and sit on a bar stool and get wasted!

Why is it after 6 & 1/2 months of sobriety, I STILL want to drink sometimes? I hate this disease! WILL IT EVER GET BETTER?

Why do I get so angry and irritable sometimes and just want to punch someone? I graduated from treatment, go to 5 AA meetings a week, am in counseling, have a sponsor and am on step 8. WTF? When will it not be so darn hard all the time! I feel like I am crazy sometimes!

Is a little drink too much to ask for????????????????? I just need an outlet for relief sometimes! Any non-alcoholic suggestions????
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Old 11-08-2008, 05:13 PM
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I don't really know what to say, cuz I'm struggling myself, but I know how you feel.
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Old 11-08-2008, 05:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Jen042208 View Post
I wanted to drink so bad today. I am not even sure what happened, I was just mad at the world or something! I was so irratible. I snapped at everyone that crossed my path. By the afternoon, all I wanted to do was go to a bar and sit on a bar stool and get wasted!

Why is it after 6 & 1/2 months of sobriety, I STILL want to drink sometimes? I hate this disease! WILL IT EVER GET BETTER?

Why do I get so angry and irritable sometimes and just want to punch someone? I graduated from treatment, go to 5 AA meetings a week, am in counseling, have a sponsor and am on step 8. WTF? When will it not be so darn hard all the time! I feel like I am crazy sometimes!

Is a little drink too much to ask for????????????????? I just need an outlet for relief sometimes! Any non-alcoholic suggestions????
Exercise. Strenuous exercise, releases endorphins, produces a natural 'high'. As far as still wanting a drink, sometimes, I think it's not a bad thing, in a way. Confirmation that we are real alcoholics. After all we put ourselves through during our drinking careers, would a non-alcoholic have these thoughts?
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Old 11-08-2008, 05:33 PM
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My sponsor used to say any day I don't drink is a good day. When I'm having a hard time and I stay sober it's a great day.

The great news is you are sober today.
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Old 11-08-2008, 07:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Jen042208 View Post
I wanted to drink so bad today. I am not even sure what happened, I was just mad at the world or something! I was so irritable. I snapped at everyone that crossed my path. By the afternoon, all I wanted to do was go to a bar and sit on a bar stool and get wasted!

Why is it after 6 & 1/2 months of sobriety, I STILL want to drink sometimes? I hate this disease! WILL IT EVER GET BETTER?

Why do I get so angry and irritable sometimes and just want to punch someone? I graduated from treatment, go to 5 AA meetings a week, am in counseling, have a sponsor and am on step 8. WTF? When will it not be so darn hard all the time! I feel like I am crazy sometimes!

Is a little drink too much to ask for????????????????? I just need an outlet for relief sometimes! Any non-alcoholic suggestions????
This is just my opinion, so take it as you like. Sometimes there can be too much of a good thing. It seems like you are obsessing with AA and its program specifically, and recovery in general. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it is helping you and you aren't drinking, but the little I read suggests to me you have to try to relax a bit more and find something simple to enjoy in life so you aren't always thinking about not drinking--if you understand what I mean.

For example, I can't actually tell you what "day" I'm on right now (I know it's after 100, but before 120) and I'm happy about that. For me it represents the fact that I'm aware of my situation, but it's not going to control me. Also, my counselor switched my sessions from once a week to once every other week. As she said to me, "we're in maintenance mode."

I agree that getting some exercise is a great idea. Even just taking quiet walks is a great release.

I think going to AA is great if it helps you, but you shouldn't do it excessively to the detriment of developing/rediscovering other areas of your life--in my opinion.

Good luck to you.

BMUS
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Old 11-08-2008, 07:40 PM
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jen....I think i've mentioned this before, but in case i haven't....for me the HARDEST steps by far were 8 and 9.

I do have to remember that being sober is about enjoying life. I work hard on my sobriety and working the steps...but there is lots of time for laughter and for fun activites no related to step work and focus of alchoholism.

At the same time, I found it benificial to spend a lot of time on meetings and step work as well.

balance is sometimes hard to get but worth the work to get there

:ghug
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Old 11-08-2008, 07:54 PM
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if you're anything like me? I drank for 15 years - that's a long time - and drinking permeated every part of my life.

I've been sober [counts...] 19 months now, and I *still* want to drink sometimes. It's a conditioned response I guess. I may always feel this impulse, I might not - I dunno...

and, in the end, you know what? it doesn't matter....

I know I can think what I like, I can want whatever I like too, but I don't have to *act* on anything that's gonna cause me pain....and I know drinking will cause me pain, and pain to others too.

Is a little drink too much to ask for????????????????? I just need an outlet for relief sometimes! Any non-alcoholic suggestions????

It's damn hard to live life with no instant escape, no immediate relief. If I had any surefire suggestions on relief, I'd share them - best I can offer right now is do *anything* but drink.

Use your lifelines SD - AA meetings, AA friends, SR, family...do whatever you need to keep walking the right path.

I hope you feel less irritable tomorrow

D

Last edited by Dee74; 07-29-2014 at 02:59 PM.
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Old 11-08-2008, 07:56 PM
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It's been a year and a half for me and I still get the insanity coming into my mind sometimes and so I go to the gym as often as I can. I've repainted a lot of things in my house and am getting it ready to sell so that fills a lot of my time. I volunteer a lot. I listen to the first graders read in my youngest daughters classroom and I am a CASA (National CASA). Court Appointed Special Advocate. It really helps my mind. I've become the board game queen, playing often with my kids who are just glowing with the attention.
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Old 11-08-2008, 08:14 PM
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One of the reasons I continue to go to AA is because they said I would be happy, joyous and free. I did not get sober to be miserable. So in early recovery when I had the thoughts of drinking, I went to meetings and asked why am I obsessing about drinking, and how do you make it stop? Sometimes I needed to ask in several meetings for it to get through my obsession. I found that they would share their ES&H on how to get past this. When I was in counseling I asked my counseler how to get past my obsessions and she also gave me some things to do. The bottom line I had to change my thinking and I could not do it alone.....I needed a lot of recovering alcoholics to help me. Also letting go of alcohol for me was a big change and I had to look at alcohol as the poison that can destroy me, and somedays I didn't want to...I wanted to hold on to that reservation...eventually I realized I had to say goodbye to alcohol, and it left a big hole in me, as I had lost my best friend of many years..King alcohol.

Also for me when I snap and people around me are the victems of my anger, I slowly learned to stop myself and say the serenity prayer over and over so as to not hurt loved ones, and I was tired of the amends I had to make after...apologizing and meaning it.

Also this reading reminds me what to do....

The Two Wolves


An old Cherokee told his grandson
about a battle that goes on inside people.


He said,
'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all..
One is Evil.
It is anger,
envy,
jealousy,
sorrow,
regret,
greed,
arrogance,
self-pity,
guilt,
resentment,
inferiority,
lies,
false pride,
superiority,
and ego.


The other is Good.
It is joy,
peace,
love,
hope,
serenity,
humility,
kindness,
benevolence,
empathy,
generosity,
truth,
compassion
and faith.'




The grandson thought about it for a minute
and then asked his grandfather:
'Which wolf wins?'



The old Cherokee simply replied,

'The one you feed.'
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Old 11-08-2008, 08:36 PM
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I'm glad that you didn't drink. it will feel better later. right now things are tough.

when I get uncomfortable my habit has been to use. now when i get uncomfortable (anxiety, fear, lonliness, etc) I try to really feel the feeling. to sit with it. to quiet my mind. and to be with the discomfort.

but sometimes i just can't quiet my mind. just seems nothing will stop it. it is then that i have to hang on. it happened a couple times this past week. I hung on. but i didn't use either. i went to a meeting. i called people. i put my ipod on loud. and i tried to help someone else. then, later, the pain was gone--and then i kept working at recovery.

i'm only on my 26 th day....i'm building my foundation. i don't know how long it will take to "build a foundation"...or when I have to let go and move into the next phase of my life, but until then i am building my foundation. my only goal is to stay clean and all the rest is Structure.

anyway thanks for your post and for sharing your difficulties with us. it helps because then i know that i am not the only one with difficulties inside of my head.
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Old 11-09-2008, 07:03 AM
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I'm glad you didn't cave in to the impulse to drink. I understand your feelings tho cause I often feel the same way - disgusted that I can't drink like normal people. But when I feel that way I have to always tell myself that "no, I can't drink like them cause I'm an alcoholic and one drink would lead me straight back to hell".

It will get better. We're still in early recovery - you with six and a half months and me with almost four months, but I can wait to feel better as I feel better about being sober every single day.

love and hugs to you!
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Old 11-09-2008, 07:12 AM
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Jen, you're doing great.

The road to recovery is not a straight line by any means. It has ups and downs that are often unexpected. Sometimes, I feel like I'm stuck in one place and then a surge comes along . Keep doing what you're doing. Exercise and music are my two best outlets, aside from SR.
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Old 11-09-2008, 07:34 AM
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Jen, keep going!!! I promise you, IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!! Please hang on to that!!

When I had 90 days I was sitting in a meeting, didn't pick up a 90 day chip because if it weren't for the fact that I was in a treatment center I knew I would have been drinking that day. It's over a year now and I still haven't picked up.

I used to want to know how the hell I was going to do this and now I just do.

Hang in there girl, just keep on keepin' on and remember that you ONLY HAVE TO GET THROUGH TODAY!!!!! AND ONLY TODAY!!!!!! Then tomorrow you get through that day and just keep going.

No matter what, no matter what.....don't pick up!!!! Congrats on not!!!!! :atv:ghug2
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Old 11-09-2008, 07:36 AM
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Originally Posted by BeamMeUpScotty View Post
This is just my opinion, so take it as you like. Sometimes there can be too much of a good thing. It seems like you are obsessing with AA and its program specifically, and recovery in general. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it is helping you and you aren't drinking, but the little I read suggests to me you have to try to relax a bit more and find something simple to enjoy in life so you aren't always thinking about not drinking--if you understand what I mean.

For example, I can't actually tell you what "day" I'm on right now (I know it's after 100, but before 120) and I'm happy about that. For me it represents the fact that I'm aware of my situation, but it's not going to control me. Also, my counselor switched my sessions from once a week to once every other week. As she said to me, "we're in maintenance mode."

I agree that getting some exercise is a great idea. Even just taking quiet walks is a great release.

I think going to AA is great if it helps you, but you shouldn't do it excessively to the detriment of developing/rediscovering other areas of your life--in my opinion.

Good luck to you.

BMUS
Agree with Scotty too. I know that when I'm feeling frustrated some nice quiet time is what is great for me. Hang in there girl, you can do this!!!
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Old 11-09-2008, 01:06 PM
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Sorry I missed this post Jen, I hope you're feeling better today So glad you reached out.

I find that journaling is a good outlet, same for long walks. Also, I find that phoning people I haven't been in touch with is a good activity- I just ask them how they're doing and really listen for a change It's a way to give and receive. Same goes for that pile of unanswered emails.

PM me if you need to talk
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