Originally Posted by
Jen042208 
I wanted to drink so bad today. I am not even sure what happened, I was just mad at the world or something! I was so irritable. I snapped at everyone that crossed my path. By the afternoon, all I wanted to do was go to a bar and sit on a bar stool and get wasted!
Why is it after 6 & 1/2 months of sobriety, I STILL want to drink sometimes? I hate this disease! WILL IT EVER GET BETTER?
Why do I get so angry and irritable sometimes and just want to punch someone? I graduated from treatment, go to 5 AA meetings a week, am in counseling, have a sponsor and am on step 8. WTF? When will it not be so darn hard all the time! I feel like I am crazy sometimes!
Is a little drink too much to ask for????????????????? I just need an outlet for relief sometimes! Any non-alcoholic suggestions????
This is just my opinion, so take it as you like. Sometimes there can be too much of a good thing. It seems like you are obsessing with AA and its program specifically, and recovery in general. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it is helping you and you aren't drinking, but the little I read suggests to me you have to try to relax a bit more and find something simple to enjoy in life so you aren't always thinking about
not drinking--if you understand what I mean.
For example, I can't actually tell you what "day" I'm on right now (I know it's after 100, but before 120) and I'm happy about that. For me it represents the fact that I'm aware of my situation, but it's not going to control me. Also, my counselor switched my sessions from once a week to once every other week. As she said to me, "we're in maintenance mode."
I agree that getting some exercise is a great idea. Even just taking quiet walks is a great release.
I think going to AA is great if it helps you, but you shouldn't do it excessively to the detriment of developing/rediscovering other areas of your life--in my opinion.
Good luck to you.
BMUS