the absence of light
I hate talking about my feelings, especially with other people. Because for the most part, they don't understand what it's like. And those that do understand they're they're already got it bad enough. My father's an alcoholic, I can say it on this forum but if a friend came and asked me, I'd lie my ass off and then make up some lame ass excuse (which unfortunately have gotten better) as to why they can't come over. Or I get all defensive with my best friends and pretty much tell them to f off, and leave me alone when they insist on coming over. And then when his stupid music starts and the floor shakes from the bass, which I must include that it's Bob Dyland he's listening too. Not a hip hop song where bass is, but freakin' Bob Dyland! And then he sneaks up into my room and takes my guitar down back to his drinking room and plays...all f.ing night. And it comes back to me with dents that I didn't cause, and he's so drunk that he's grey! And all I want to do sometimes is kick and yell and scream at him, not because he's ruining my stuff but because He's ruining me. He's going to do what he wants with his body, but he doesn't realize what he's been doing to me for years. You would think after your own daughter tried to kill herself that you'd get the hint. But nope...he instead goes away for weekends down at the trailor where he drinks more 24 cases in one weekend then anyone should in their life. And then he comes home being a total ******* and is shaking from detoxing. I hate him....I cannot wait to leave. My own house, I can't wait to go as far away from. How twisted is that? And I have all these friggin emotions pouring out of me and I'm still trying to find the hope inside the Pandora's Box that I've become. I feel empty inside, like if you opened me up you would find black--no colors, black the absence of light.