Chuck said: "...but to condemn someone for wanting to help goes against why I searched for all of you. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life...coming to this site will not be one of them....this is about healing and helping and not hurting and blaming...."
Birdie, I don't think anyone being critical or harsh of you, to be truthful. And I think it's a misrepresentation to say anyone is "condemning" anyone for "wanting to help."
The way I read your original post was that you were frustrated and judgemental of your neighbor using your tax money inappropriately while, at the same time, she neglects her kids. It didn't seem like your initial post was a statement about how much you wanted to help. It seemed like you were sharing how frustrated you were because this neighbor of yours is a deadbeat, in your opinion.
You frustration with the food stamps being misused dominated the post. It's even titled "food stamps, drugs and booze." You didn't title it, "neighbor kids being neglected."
If your concern is the misuse of food stamps, and frustration with your neighbor complaining about her lack of funds after she's purchased drugs and alcohol, I would suggest that perhaps you could say to her either "gosh, I'm sorry it's hard for you but I've got to run." and excuse yourself from listening. Or, possibly (if you feel brave enough) you could say, "To be honest I don't have much sympathy for you since I know you seem to have plenty of money form drugs and booze."
If the issue is your neighbor's spending habits, drug habits, and food stamps, I guess I feel like it's a case of letting yourself get distracted by the faults of others instead of keeping your focus on your own addictions and keeping your "side of the street" clean. As alcoholics, it's so hard to keep that focus. That's basically what I was trying to communicate in my first response to you.
If, however, you are really sincerely concerned for the welfare of the children, then it might make sense to talk to the chaplan. But unless there was more serious evidence of abuse (as opposed to neglect and mishandling of money which you seem to really care about) I, personally, wouldn't take it any further than the chaplan.
It seems a little strange to me that you are not able to tell this woman you don't have time to listen to her complain and yet you want to go and report her and her husband to an agency about the welfare of their children. Is it possible that this is just the slightest bit vindictive? I think that's part of what I'm reacting to in your post. It seems like your frustration with your neighbors abuse of her welfare checks is possibly feeding your desire to report her family situation to someone of authority. And maybe I'm misreading your post. Like we always say - it's so hard to gauge things in only written form.
But each of us has to do what we have to do. If you look deep in your heart, you'll know what to do. Your posts read as if you are already pretty set on taking some action with the kids.
I once had a family across the street from me whose young son (3rd grade) was left alone a lot and seemed hungry for companionship. We began to invite him over for dinner and try to get to know him. He appreciated the food and the attention, I think. That, for me, was a direct way I could help him without involving the clumsy and harsh social services in the intricate details of his family's life.
Sometimes, social services does more harm than good.
A word on this forum:
You mention that you feel harshly criticized and that maybe you should keep your thoughts to yourself. Please try not to take anyone's words personally. I don't think of this forum as being solely for positive feedback. I think of it as also being a place where we can call each other on things that might be misleading us away from our sobriety.
I have very thin skin myself and have been in a similar place. But after I got some distance from it, I realized that what the other people were saying was partially correct and that because I was so defensive, I couldn't really heed their words. All I could do was leap to my own defense. Give it some time. And please don't give up on us.