Man that's a lot of reading, so here is a lot more, sorry for the length...
I am still not sure what the problem was...and for that matter don't care, because I have not seen it and if I do so be it simply because I look at it this way....
I have looked in the devils eyes for many years and I can say I have beat him once and will beat him again.....
The devil tried to beat me with alcohol....took the fight to me with moral deviation, I said and did things to friends, family, strangers and police that most sane and normal people would never do....
The devil took me for rides that hurt others and although I didn't know it at the time...myself....
I tried to quit many times and found it easy to say slips, relapses, oops, next time I will do better and so on, but the last day I really quit was my real quit day....that day I looked the devil in the eyes and said...NO MORE!
To succeed I had to take some huge steps...the biggest was sitting down and really attacking the one son of a B**** that screwed up my life, made me do stupid things and forced me to take that drink...or many drinks...
ME.
I wrote down everything that I hated about myself and why...then I wrote down the names of everyone I hurt because of my drinking....then...
I went to see these people expecting to get my a$$ kicked by some of them, but what happened was a shock....
I had 122 people on my list...not bad...I first thought man I pi$$ed off a lot of people....then I thought, wow I knew that many people that at one time wanted to hang out with me or loved me....
I had mixed reactions and yes did have a few that resulted in me getting smacked, but hey I deserved it...what surprised me was there were people that simply hugged me and said welcome back, we/I missed you...
I didn't know how to handle those reactions at first and many times went home and tried to figure out why they never smacked me too...
I know now and understand better that they never really hated me like I thought they were sad for me because they loved me, and I never saw it through my booze haze of a life....
I heard the same theme over and over as well.....Tough Love....they never gave up on me, they never hated me and actually loved me more than I knew...
Tough Love...what is that? Basically its forcing someone into a situation that sucks so bad that you have no choice, but to make some new decisions...some call it hitting bottom, end of the rope or so far gone that a judge and jury are the wake up with a cell, toilet and bed....turning point....
Mine was a combination of all of them with the reality of losing the one last person that cared about me...and I could see through the haze enough to know she was very serious....
We all take a different road with similar disasters along the way, but until someone looks us straight in the eyes and says make a choice and it is one that will severely affect your life...
spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend,life partner, family, or special friend leaving you and making it permanent...that hits home, but the common theme with that is the harshness of reality....
Reality to a drunk or a drug addict is the time between fixes and rational thought is not a factor very often and some nasty tough love is something that is a necessry tool....
So when I hear relapses I feel sad, scared for the individual and mad....
These are all positive emotions and more important is that if I am feeling these emotions than I know I am sober and drug free and am able to say...come on get your head on straight, and dare I say....don't just slip, but slip up so bad that you wake up and feel so much guilt you get on the phone and start saying sorry to those you have hurt...scary thought, but helpul...get on the computer and reach out to SR and we will help you back....
but, remember relapse are a part of recovery, but if you have 7 relapse in 7 days...thats not recovery thats still drinking and I can't sympathise with that...
This is my tough love....
If you go Monday to Friday and don't drink, but tie one on Friday and Sturday...still drinking...
Drink then feel guilty or get in trouble and start again.....many times a month...still a drinker...
Face your demons and those you have hurt then you will be on a good path to recovery....
Of the 122 people I faced I have only 19 that will even speak to me, but they are 19 people that love me and make waking up every day better...
Oh this was 10 years ago...I have not had a drink, a craving and a desire to have alcohol....my 19 people keep me leveled and I have made friends that share the same beliefs and lifestyle...
To better your chances of recovery success....stay positive....negatives can be positives...only you can fix you and most importantly love yourself...
I believe I can say with 100% honesty I beat booze and even having people tell me to quit it was me that had to make the choice, me that had to say enough is enough and me that refuses to have a drink every day....
....and me that said no more pills and me that that will beat this one too....because like I wrote earlier....I have looked in the eyes of the devil...
and will never be in that position again.
Lots of good stuff in this thread, which is why I typed lots too.
So if a kick in the a$$ is needed...its out of love...not hate.
Don't give up the fight....
Chuck