I have quite a bit of experience with psychedelics and MDMA, etc. type stuff myself. The good thing, (and this is my personal opinion only) is most of the stuff in that class isn't terribly addictive. It is however *really* really* bad for you.
Haven't touched most of that stuff in a while, but like you, drinking has become my nemesis. There are a couple good common sayings that might apply to you. One being that if you think you might be an alcoholic, you probably are.
I'd recommend checking out the forums and what many other people have posted. See if any of that resonates with you. You've come to a good place for support and answers.
Yeah alcoholism runs in my family - my mother is a borderline and my grandfather and grandmother used to be binge drinkers. We're Irish and German... The drinking goes WAY back.
I have a very addictive personality... I got addicted to a lot of things that aren't normally addictive - a perfect example is that I had about a year and a half bottle to two bottles of Robitussin Maximum Strength Cough a day addiction. I can't say I ever became physically dependent on MDMA but I'm still psychologically addicted to it and can't seem to let that go. Hell its been about 6 years since I stopped using Robitussin and I still crave it. Fortunately for me on that one though, it got to the point where no matter how much I took all it did was jack up my vision and make me sick to my stomach so that was an addiction that basically dissolved itself.
I've been reading some of the things on here and some really scares me... like the stories about people's detoxes. Being that I'm already on day two though I don't think I'm going to hit anything near that severe. I'm definitely going to need some support though. I've basically replaced everything in my life with alcohol. I know I'm an alcoholic, I just don't want to admit it. At the same time though, you can't really fight it if you never come to terms with it, can you?
come clean with your doctor may be a good idea...
if youre detoxing and can't take time off of work the doctor may have a solution. it may be something else besides xanax.
if you keep doing what you're doing then you may end up losing your job anyways, so you could bring it up with your employer. a future option. the employer may embrace your recovery and support you taking time off to detox in a rehab or hospital setting.
do you really want advise?
do you really want to quit?
have you had enough pain?
rehtorical questions for you
I'm just scared that my doctor might pull me off the Xanax entirely. If he does that, I know that I won't be able to function. I tried tapering myself off of it and it was utter hell. I had the worst panic attack of my life after just a 1/4 pill reduction in dose... that's how hooked I am on it.
My employer has support programs available for alcohol abuse... its not really affecting my work life other than the panic attacks but I have FMLA for that. Its not like I'm drinking on the job or coming in drunk so I don't see myself getting terminated but I see your point. Unfortunately, its a corporate environment and corporate rules supercede everything else. By corporate rules, I can face termination for running out of sick time.
I do want to quit or I wouldn't be here. I'm a Libra. I'm stubborn as hell. I won't admit that I'm in a bad spot unless I'm really serious about changing it.