Ethrem

Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum. I have made the decision to stop drinking... I know its not going to be easy but it has to be done.

First, a little background on me. I'm 24 years old, I've been drinking since I was 17 - heavily off and on since I got my own place when I turned 20 - I was doing massive amounts of psychedelics (mostly unconventional stuff - research chemicals, cough syrup and the like with some acid and mushrooms mixed in), ecstasy... you get the idea.

I have stopped everything but the occasional ecstasy (once a month or two at the most) and drinking... which has ballooned out of control.

I'm on 2mg a day of Xanax for panic disorder which complicates things. 1mg is a single 1mg XR tablet, then a .5mg standard release mid-late day and another .5 before bed.

I didn't realize just how bad my drinking has become until about a week ago when I realized that in 30 days I spent almost 400 dollars on alcohol - mostly beer (and some food admittedly) at the local bar... Generally I'd spend about 20 bucks a night and more if I ordered food for the mega size, which I believe is like 32 ounces or something. I have no idea how I let it get so out of control. Boredom maybe. Most likely stress at work (I work in a call center sales department and its extremely stressful). Who knows? Whatever the reason, I've gotten out of control.

Here's what happened today. I haven't drank since Tuesday and both Monday and Tuesday I consumed about a third of what I normally would consume when I drink. I felt like crap yesterday (Wednesday since I haven't gone to bed yet) and was really anxious and just felt nasty. Got off work and was driving down I-70 and was so close to going back to the bar... Came home and tried to chill out. I was so anxious, had a funny taste in my mouth, started chain-smoking like crazy... Ended up popping a Xanax to mellow out and then another one before bed. So fast forward to today. First thing in the morning, I was anxious as hell. I took my XR on the way to work when I normally wait til about 2 hours after I get there... that wasn't enough so I took another .5mg regular. Got to work and proceeded to hit full on panic mode for about 15 minutes.

I finally got ahold of myself enough to walk to my desk and log in to the phone and eventually the Xanax calmed me down to normal levels and I even got a bit sleepy.

Here's where things got really weird though. I went to bathroom before lunch and I felt like the floor was moving and got dizzy. I've never had vertigo before but it felt like the floor was moving right underneath me... I went into the cafeteria and sat down thinking "what the hell is going on" and it just kept getting worse... I took another Xanax and I made it through the day.

After lunch was over, I started talking to a coworker about her alcohol addiction and detox and realized that I am most likely a borderline if not full-on alcoholic. I started doing research online and found out that the symptoms I was experiencing are common with moderate alcohol abuse.

The thing is... it says that for situations like mine, they'll basically just give me benzodiazepines anyway.

I had bloodwork done recently and there is nothing even so much as hinting that I've royally messed myself up.

Is there really a need for me to go through a detox? Its already been two days.

My big thing is that
a) I don't have the sick time at work to do a detox and I can't afford to get in trouble
b) Taking my Xanax seems to mitigate the symptoms
c) I don't have the money to pay for a full detox program.

I am fairly sure that I can make it through this on my own but I want opinions from people who've done it. I've kicked addictions that were pretty severe in the past without paying the extremely negative consequences (I kicked caffeine, ephedrine, and a number of psychedelic research chemicals all at the same time) and overall, I've got a very strong body - my doctor couldn't find a single thing to fuss at me about when he did my physical and my family medical history is insanely horrible - its the mind that's the problem.


I'm honestly starting to think that my panic disorder IS my drinking... I always thought it was my smoking... but I think the smoking just exacerbates the problem while the drinking is the underlying fuel to the fire.

Any help is appreciated. And sorry for such a long-winded post. I am just new to this territory.

By the way, I went and bought a time release B100 supplement today. I was feeling pretty crappy and took one and it calmed me down quite a bit within 15-20 minutes so I think I'll take one of those each night too.

Thanks for all your help,
Robert