Thank you...I know,just in a real down mood most of the time..yet it's only the small things that I do appreciate because there is only that left...I think I always did, but life is so different for me now and boring....I don't look forward to much. I was living in a big city for 10 years successfully, warm and tropical...now i'm in iowa and the fall is changing into winter...my things are all in storage in miami....I feel like my life is not mine at all.. it wasn't hard to stop using cocaine or marijuana because i am completely removed. I want to live my life again, but wonder if it ever can happen...how do i get back or reach a new place when i have so little left and too many people that think i can never live there again? I feel numb to trying anything again..why? that is the question i always have in my head...i dont care and why, how do i begin to care again