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How do you learn to Love Yourself?

Old 10-22-2008, 11:42 AM
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How do you learn to Love Yourself?

Hi Everyone....

I have had alot of changes this past year...and changes that I really pushed for....divorcing my addict husband, selling my home, bought a knew little place of my own.

But inside there is just something missing...I am just not content with myself and I don't know if that is just the way to explain it. I really miss having a partner, but I know I have to be more content with myself inside.

Just how or where do you start to love yourself.


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Old 10-22-2008, 11:55 AM
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First I think you have to figure out why you aren't content or happy with yourself on the inside. Then you work through those issues. Therapy or counseling can help.
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Old 10-22-2008, 12:45 PM
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I agree with HK, sometimes we need help to tap into why...

A "trick" a therapist taught me years ago, is when I talk to myself, talk to myself like I'm parenting myself. If I'm feeling anxious, ugly, not funny enough, good enough, etc. instead of just letting that internal chatter spin out of control on itself on a constant loop, stop. Ask my "little self" why she is feeling XXX. Sometimes she'll know, sometimes she won't, but then I talk to my little self like I would my child. How would you help a child navigate those feelings? This technique was surprisingly helpful. I felt foolish, but who knew what was going on in my head anyway?
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Old 10-22-2008, 03:17 PM
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I have found that doing hot yoga has really helped me. I am forced to spend 90 minutes with myself and ONLY me.... and it feels like I am breaking through.

Another tool is by writing out a time line of your life in annual increments.... and then also writing down what it is that you want for yourself. See if you had done xyz differently if you would have those things.... it helps gain perspective on how to go about what you want in present tense. If you don't know what you want for yourself - then start small.... for example - start thinking about things at the end of the day - about what made you happy that day - what your joys were.

If it's companionship - dogs or pets in general really help too, as well as, keeping a busy schedule.... being sure to do something everyday that involves companionship in some form.

We all have holes.... but we can't rely on other's (even when in a relationship/marriage) for that person to fill those holes.

What are you grateful for in your life at this time?
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Old 10-22-2008, 03:23 PM
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where do i start when it has all ended? i don't think i know how to live or ever have...after five months of being clean..i live in an alien world where everyone else knows what to do and feels great doing it...i have no one left but a skeleton of my family that brought me back to life again, yet doesn't and hasn't ever known me...here i sit without friends, without my things, without something inside of me...clean yet dying inside and not knowing where happiness will ever be...again
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Old 10-22-2008, 03:28 PM
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Originally Posted by BrokenB View Post
where do i start when it has all ended? i don't think i know how to live or ever have...after five months of being clean..i live in an alien world where everyone else knows what to do and feels great doing it...i have no one left but a skeleton of my family that brought me back to life again, yet doesn't and hasn't ever known me...here i sit without friends, without my things, without something inside of me...clean yet dying inside and not knowing where happiness will ever be...again
Broken B..... I don't know if people just feel great out of nowhere.... I think it's those that feel great that put the conscious effort to feel great. If that makes sense? I go through times of despair as well.... and I have to literally force myself out of it. Change my thinking - my thoughts. Take joy in what would even just be birds singing around me. Starting small - leads to bigger things.

Congratulations on your five months clean - that is something right there to be proud of. Honor yourSELF for not being a slave to "that other guy"... to the disease....... for being strong to not pick up and allow it power in your life!

If no one has told you "I love you" today ------ "I love you"! xoxoxo
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Old 10-22-2008, 03:38 PM
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Thank you...I know,just in a real down mood most of the time..yet it's only the small things that I do appreciate because there is only that left...I think I always did, but life is so different for me now and boring....I don't look forward to much. I was living in a big city for 10 years successfully, warm and tropical...now i'm in iowa and the fall is changing into winter...my things are all in storage in miami....I feel like my life is not mine at all.. it wasn't hard to stop using cocaine or marijuana because i am completely removed. I want to live my life again, but wonder if it ever can happen...how do i get back or reach a new place when i have so little left and too many people that think i can never live there again? I feel numb to trying anything again..why? that is the question i always have in my head...i dont care and why, how do i begin to care again
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Old 10-22-2008, 04:01 PM
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Rose... thank you. This is so tough for me too. I am finally free. Have made the tough decisions to live a clean life, and I am sad and I feel like I have no self-esteem. I am young, healthy , educated .... so blessed in so many ways, but I feel like dirt. I am tired and I want to be happy and loved. I think so many of the people who responded are right... look for the small things. Also, I try to get up each and day and say, "ok, new one... let's make this one good." I listen to the radio, I smile. Sometimes I get to work and then get stressed, but I joke with my co-workers, I try to make myself reach out to others.... it's a tough road. Being with addict takes it out of you. BUT, let's think about how strong and good we are that we took care of ourselves and have done what we have so far. Hugs to you. Be strong.
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Old 10-22-2008, 07:17 PM
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Rose, how I can relate to your posting... I am 2 weeks divorced now and am realizing that the downward spiral that I thought didn't take me down that far - well, that is the sneaky thing about being in love with an addict... the path of deception that our former love took us on was like sliding down that BIG ladder from the game "Chutes and Ladders" and we find we are a lot further gone than we ever thought.

I guess a first step is maybe realizing that we were powerless over that process of being taken down that spiral with our addicted love's... and then taking one step at a time from there.
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