yes you are enoying and desperate, i was just like you...
thats cronic alcoholism, and insanity...
everyday i thought i was going to die...
it was exausting keeping up the pace...
my liver and kindnys were shutting down...
then i said, i HAVE TO STOP, or i want to Die...
i put everything in me to reach out, ask for help, and take the plunge...
i detoxed, got a recovery program, and my life is way better... life aint, just my reaction to it...
you can do it
many of us have...
i do suggest seeing a good Doc, being 100% honest, and taking it from there...
one day at a time....