Originally Posted by
NeedHelp81 
He knocked some stuff on the floor and so I like a codie idiot - said "Ok. I'm giving you a ride home." He wanted to drive. There was no way!
So as we're driving home and he's screaming about his brother he turns on me on randomly and starts screaming about how I am "so perfect" and so "self-righteous!" So I lose it. I start sobbing and screaming about how he just doesn't see what he is! Ugh.....
I drop him off, then I did a few circles around the block and call him. He answers crying. Talking about how he wants to write his trust fund over to me and end his pain. He said he had a cab on it's way to take him to his car. Mind you this is all at like 3:00PM on a Saturday afternoon!
I go there. :codiepolice Try to talk him into staying, he's just crying about he wants to end it, he doesn't want to hurt anymore, he wants help - inpatient help, but is too scared to leave his brother behind being messed up like he is now. I told him he can make an example of himself for his little brother.
He left with the cabbie - came back an hour later in his car. With a 5th by his side. Crying saying sorry and he never wants to hurt me ..... all that quacking.
I take him to see our dog that lives with me because she cheers him up. He was better. We watched a movie and fell asleep.
Have I lost everything I learned? I was so mad and heartbroken!
All of the above is the dance we all do (in some form or another) until we decide we are tired of it. Putting yourself into a place where you've both hung out- where you know he'd likely be makes it harder for you to step back and take care of yourself. I'm sure it's hard, but I would have tried not to be where he might be- as hard as that is. We all take steps back. If you can see that in yourself that's a great start. Now get up, dust yourself off and decide where you want to go with this.
Originally Posted by
NeedHelp81 I know him and he does not threaten things like suicide. He is a very honest person no matter how bad it'll hurt you he will tell you and he will do it. I was heartbroken because I didn't want to deal with it so I called his bro telling him what was wrong. His brother replied with "Ya know? I have a lot of stuff going on right now, and I'm sorry but this is not at the top of list!"
Smart brother. He can't help, you can't help. You can continue to involve yourself in his drama- or you can get out and take care of yourself. His brother seems to know it's not his job to do anything for T. Makes his life simpler- and it's not selfish- it's reality. No one can help T but T.
Originally Posted by
NeedHelp81 I feel selfish because I don't want him to die. I couldn't live with that! I would be in the boat he's in now! I thought I learned alot but I guess I haven't. I love him more than anything and I cannot see myself leaving him to himself.
I would like to set-up lunch with his mom. This has turned into way more than she knows and she has the finances to put him in inpatient treatment. That's what he needs right now, that's what he has requested. I think he just needs a push because he's too scared to tell her anything is wrong - he said he doesn't want to see her cry....
You are not that powerful- no one is. If he wants to commit suicide, he will. Of course you don't want him to, you want him to be healthy, but he is not. You can't make him healthy, his mom can't, no one can except T. HE has to decide to go to treatment. You setting it up, his mom setting it up- I predict it won't work. Why? because I did the very things you are trying to do, and nothing worked. I've been with STBXAH for 18 years. We have a child together. He walked away from all of that. Alcohol/addiction is a very strong foe. You are fighting a losing battle- IMHO- if you think you can do anything for T except to help yourself.
Originally Posted by
NeedHelp81 Sorry this was long. Please be gentle on me this was a long weekend of heartbreak.
(((HUGS))) It is heartbreaking.