shugabooga

i read everyone's responses. i know i have work to do. my work schedule is very hectic this time of year. my boyfriend doesn't work or have any hobbies or interests (not even sports) so when i'm home, he is here, here, here. a very needy person. he can't spend a minute alone.

i came home tonight to find him passed out with the screen door unlocked. i've been home for well over an hour and made plenty of noise and he still doesn't know i'm here. okay, he's lucky, he's a heavy sleeper....drunk, anyway.

but the thing is, he had this friend over all night, a married guy with a four year old daughter, who hangs out here when i'm not here, just to drink and escape his wife and daughter.

they sit on my furniture. use my stereo. look through my cds. eat the food and leave it uncovered in the fridge. then, i realized they had been on my computer. looked up a lot of sports sites and one porn site. unacceptable. my BF has looked up porn before, and an ex GF on my computer. he is so selfish in some ways, and so giving in others.

regardless, this is what guys do. but not with my computer. i will have to start taking it to work with me. this is my computer. that is my stereo. my tv. my bed. my futon. my cds. my monthly internet access bill. i hope my stupid BF has a crick in his neck from sleeping on the futon all night. i hope he jacks off to this porn website and leaves me alone for sex. he needs to get a job and work his ass off like i do. i have him nailed on all the searches they did...........and it disgusts me. we made love today before i went to work and he looks at porn?

i am biding my time. it is very hard for me to get any free time to research DV or see a counselor. i am sorting things through my head and focusing on work. i also came down with a bad cold this week. plus, i have my cat to consider...........he is ten years old and very shy........i can't take him just anywhere.

there have been no hints of DV all week. i have asked many friends if they have extra space for me and the cat, but in NYC, space is very limited and expensive. i am in a bind, but not in an immediate threat to life.

thank you, everyone, for your concern........i have not deliberately ignored you. all this is weighing heavy on my mind. the cold has distracted me. work has distracted me. but i do think about leaving him and finding a peaceful, private home of my own. it will cost me a lot of money. but i am worth it, and i don't deserve to have him allow his friend or friends to sift through my belongings while i'm not here.

please keep replying and let me know your thoughts. i have some PM's to read and will do that asap. thank you again.