Just need support
Hi. My name is Staci and I am 20 years old, going on 21. I have been an alcoholic for almost two years.
It wasn't as bad at first as it has gotten within the last year.
My story:
It started right before I left my husband. I had my son, and went into a depression. I gained 60 pounds during my pregnancy after finally getting to my goal weight before the pregnancy. I had horrible postpartum. I took care of my son, very well in fact and loved him dearly. I wasn't able to work because he had colic, so I was a house wife. I never wanted to be married or even have a child in the first place, which led me into a deeper depression.
I started exercising and the pounds started dropping off, but by this time I was drinking a pint or so a week, if that. When I started to lose weight, I started getting noticed and I realize how unhappy I was in my marriage. My postpartum effected only my husband and I. I didn't want him to even touch me.
When I left my husband, I took my son, Thomas and went to my mothers. I went into a deeper depression and started going out all hours of the night (after I put my son down to rest) and was just basically flew off the handle.
Shortly after I met my ex. He was a 41 year old man, whom I fell for almost instantly. We suddenly moved in together, and I found myself "happy". I started drinking more because at first, it was all fun and games. We used to sit around and laugh, etc. It got to the point where I was drinking ever single night. My ex was a major alcoholic, drinking nearly a fifth of whiskey a night.
As things went on, we started fighting etc. By this point, I was shooting a pint of whiskey every night, 7 days of the week.
As things went on, I found that my ex was very controlling. He wouldn't let me out of the house without him. I wasn't able to hang out with any of my friends, I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone on the phone unless he was sitting there hearing every word. He started calling me names, and bruising my self esteem. I was called fat, ugly, frog face, ****, bitch, immature, psycho, belligerent, was told I'd be nothing without him, my life would always be hell, and that I was a nightmare.
I did find out I was bi-polar and I started taking medication. Now, I never did anything psychotic. The part of the bi-polar that effected me was my constant depression and being ill because of all the negativity I was facing.
All of this led me to drink more. By this time, I was drinking almost a fifth a night, waking up with hangovers that made me not even be able to function properly.
Finally, I decided to stop drinking... so much. I cut down to drinking only every other week, but still in the same amounts only limited myself to a pint and changed liquor to vodka, sometimes mixing it. As I did, Pete only got worse. It got to the point where I just shut down completely and let everything going on around me happen.
A week ago he cheated on me and we finally broke up. I was doing so great about my drinking, cutting down to almost nothing. Since I found out the horrible news, especially after how bad he treated me, all I want to do is drink. I want to sleep all day, drink all night, and forget that I have a life and just exist.
I am not proud of my life, and I want to change it, but I can't seem to pull myself out of the hole I have dug. My son barley knows me, all of my friends do not want anything to do with me, my family thinks differently of me. The only person I had was my ex. I have now resorted to only talking to people on the internet, because those people are all I have left. Alcohol is destroying my relationships and my life. I just want help.