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Just need support

Old 10-09-2008, 12:12 PM
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Just need support

Hi. My name is Staci and I am 20 years old, going on 21. I have been an alcoholic for almost two years.

It wasn't as bad at first as it has gotten within the last year.

My story:
It started right before I left my husband. I had my son, and went into a depression. I gained 60 pounds during my pregnancy after finally getting to my goal weight before the pregnancy. I had horrible postpartum. I took care of my son, very well in fact and loved him dearly. I wasn't able to work because he had colic, so I was a house wife. I never wanted to be married or even have a child in the first place, which led me into a deeper depression.

I started exercising and the pounds started dropping off, but by this time I was drinking a pint or so a week, if that. When I started to lose weight, I started getting noticed and I realize how unhappy I was in my marriage. My postpartum effected only my husband and I. I didn't want him to even touch me.

When I left my husband, I took my son, Thomas and went to my mothers. I went into a deeper depression and started going out all hours of the night (after I put my son down to rest) and was just basically flew off the handle.

Shortly after I met my ex. He was a 41 year old man, whom I fell for almost instantly. We suddenly moved in together, and I found myself "happy". I started drinking more because at first, it was all fun and games. We used to sit around and laugh, etc. It got to the point where I was drinking ever single night. My ex was a major alcoholic, drinking nearly a fifth of whiskey a night.
As things went on, we started fighting etc. By this point, I was shooting a pint of whiskey every night, 7 days of the week.

As things went on, I found that my ex was very controlling. He wouldn't let me out of the house without him. I wasn't able to hang out with any of my friends, I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone on the phone unless he was sitting there hearing every word. He started calling me names, and bruising my self esteem. I was called fat, ugly, frog face, ****, bitch, immature, psycho, belligerent, was told I'd be nothing without him, my life would always be hell, and that I was a nightmare.

I did find out I was bi-polar and I started taking medication. Now, I never did anything psychotic. The part of the bi-polar that effected me was my constant depression and being ill because of all the negativity I was facing.
All of this led me to drink more. By this time, I was drinking almost a fifth a night, waking up with hangovers that made me not even be able to function properly.

Finally, I decided to stop drinking... so much. I cut down to drinking only every other week, but still in the same amounts only limited myself to a pint and changed liquor to vodka, sometimes mixing it. As I did, Pete only got worse. It got to the point where I just shut down completely and let everything going on around me happen.

A week ago he cheated on me and we finally broke up. I was doing so great about my drinking, cutting down to almost nothing. Since I found out the horrible news, especially after how bad he treated me, all I want to do is drink. I want to sleep all day, drink all night, and forget that I have a life and just exist.

I am not proud of my life, and I want to change it, but I can't seem to pull myself out of the hole I have dug. My son barley knows me, all of my friends do not want anything to do with me, my family thinks differently of me. The only person I had was my ex. I have now resorted to only talking to people on the internet, because those people are all I have left. Alcohol is destroying my relationships and my life. I just want help.
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Old 10-09-2008, 12:18 PM
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Hi,

Welcome!

I'm not clear on my understanding of the bipolar medication you're taking. Is it helping with the depression? If not, I suggest going back to your dr and consider trying something different because different medications work differently in each of us.

I found that I could never limit or control my drinking, at least not for very long. If you are an alcoholic, stopping drinking completely, is the answer. It was actually a relief for me to just stop. There are other ways to handle life's problems than with drinking, and we're here to offer support to you.

Addiction is a very isolating disease. When I finally stopped drinking, I had lost all my activities, all my friends and almost my family. That's what addiction does to us. But, you can change that.
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Old 10-09-2008, 12:35 PM
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Hi Staci.

Most of us here were at some point felt like we were hopeless cases and had trouble seeing the way out. I can promise that you can get out of that hole. It isn't always the most pleasant journey, but it is one you can do.

I myself saw a lot of my friendships fade, my family relationships suffered, as well as a mass of other problems all from my drinking. I also have been diagnosed with mental-emotional problems and I'm getting treatment for them as well as for drinking. It is hard to believe at first that people can be forgiving and that situations do improve. Yet, they do, more and more, the further you get from constant drinking. I've been undertaking my recovery now for about 10 months, and while there's still a lot of work for me, it has been one of the best decisions I could've made.

This is a very helpful forum. If you want to ask for specific advice on a particular problem you're dealing with there is bound to be a dozen or so people here who've been in similar situations that can offer you suggestions. Also, this is a great place just to talk through your troubles in an anonymous way. There are people here who have made new, sober lives spanning years, and some who are starting off just like you.

Welcome.
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Old 10-09-2008, 04:02 PM
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Welcome to SR
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Old 10-09-2008, 06:37 PM
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I have many friends in AA who are Bi Polar.
They all say their meds work best
when they don't drink alcohol.

Welcome to SR..
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Old 10-09-2008, 06:44 PM
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Hi Staci. Welcome to SR! I am glad you found it. Can you find an AA group or something grouplike that you could get to? You sound like you need to be around other recovering people. Make some friends that don't drink. This addiction is horrendous and having bipolar can't help, but you can do it. Start by not drinking for the next 24 hours. Find a meeting somewhere and go. Get some phone numbers.

I am not in AA, but I believe it works for some and you seem to need friendly, non-judgmental people. We are that here on SR, but I think you might need a friendly smile and the human interaction.

Let us know how you're doing. Thank you very much for sharing your story with us and welcome to SR. :ghug3
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Old 10-09-2008, 06:53 PM
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I would also suggest trying a few AA meetings. Lots of people there who have been in a similar place as you are now. Please give them a try.

As for SR, you've come to a very supportive place. There is also a Mental Health forum, for specific problems related to mental health disorders, especially when alcohol is added to the mix. Please come here to read and post and get lots of support and good info!

Welcome!
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Old 10-09-2008, 08:40 PM
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Welcome to SR. I am so glad you are here.
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Old 10-10-2008, 01:51 AM
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staci

thanks for sharing.

you've created a bit of a hole with things on the outside....and the bi-polar/depression has you ina hole....but you have hope and a lot of time to change

if you haven't tried AA....there is a large network around you, in fact you could meet many new people and perhaps even find some new friends.

welcome here to SR
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