I settled for being unhappy for a long time before realizing how much time I was wasting.
I didn't have a child though -- and that would've been different. You are teaching your son everything he needs to know about how relationships are supposed to be (unhappy, angry, conflicted), and how men are supposed to be (helpless, abusive) He's learning how great it is to drink a lot (a great time, you get driven around, no one leaves you no matter how much you abuse them, etc.)
You say you are willing to take this because it's how you were raised.
Think about that when you're reading to your son tonight.
All of this will happen when it happens but........how much more of this education are you willing to let your kid suffer before you say, "Alright. That's enough." Maybe you don't even know what happiness is supposed to feel like in a relationship. I know it's something I had to learn. Maybe you and Ryan can learn together, before it's too late.
Consider maybe talking with a counselor about small, steady steps you can take to get rid of your fear and make clear decisions about your own happiness. And your son's. It was important for me to have a "support system" like that, or else I never would've left that life.