Praying for you girl, get out of that situation please and do whatever is necessary..material things are just things, your life is priceless....I hate to say it but Love is not hurting the other person deliberately..and alcholism is a disease we all know too well impairs judgement and decision making..combine the two and thats just a red flag waving right in your face honey..you can not change him and as much as you have grown attatched to your life with him and feel a sense of love for him and I know being with someone seems at times better than alone, even if it means putting up with his occasional ******** right? WRONG! His ******** is dangerous, life threatening and a total endangerment to your well being and sobriety..some poeple just arent good together..and maybe you two do fine without the booze...I would belive that..but you have got to see that only he can stop if he wants to...you wont be able to change him..and do not let him bring you down in more ways than one like he has been doing..Things are going to stay just as they are and only get worse( Gosh if thats even possible , sounds pretty miserable to me)stand up for yourself and self worth and get yourself to a meeting..I work long days too and all day five days a week.. but if you were partying and drinking you would manage the time to go out for drinks afetr work right? Or drive to the store to get your booze right? Well make that same effort to get to a meeting and get better..good luck okay..you need to start first things first and do not drink..it will only make you feel worse and more depressed especially if you are thinking you may have a mental disorder...secondly, as much as you feel like taking a drink to get away from the pain...you know it will only make it worse..the gulit and shame and remores..not to mention the blackouts so that is if you even remember the evening...you will not be able to say and do things when interacting with him that you would want to do..instead you know you two will fight and only bad will happen..misery LOVES COMPANY..and I belive thats the basis of your relationship...as long as the two of you are engulfed in your sickness be it alcholism, mental unstability,physical agression and abuse or all of the above..neither of you will heal and get better and neither of you will truly have to be made accountable for your actions...I hope this does not seem to abrupt, I really just am trying to get some sense across..your too precious and important to live like this