Originally Posted by
Rainbowgirl128 
i think dennys post about how this board is "from the other side" is interesting. i have read posts by As and by their friends/family. i feel there is a fundamental difference between the two views. As are writing about themselves and often come across as victims of the disease of addiction. Friends and family on the other hand seem frustrated, mad, and sad by the As choice to keep drinking or using. The issue of choice is interesting. To what extent do addicted people choose to stay active in their addiction? AA talks about acknowledging powerlessness over alcohol, a statement that is in direct conflict with te idea that active addiction is a choice. Thoughts?
As another "double winner" I am now seeing it from both sides as well
When I am sober "today I have a choice" but when I was in active addiction "I wasn't done until I was done"
I slipped with 3 years in the program. I woke up in the middle of the night, got up, went to the kitchen and poured myself a cognac, knocked it back, and went back to sleep. In the morning I thought it was a dream. The horror of the next year was indescribable,
I couldn't stop drinking.
I was going to meetings, raising my hand, reaching out for help, I could NOT stop...I literally couldn't. After a period of time I gave up and just returned to drinking, I figured I would be done when I was done...took 5 years.
After 7 years I drank again, I hadn't been going to meetings, I lived in the middle of nowhere,
I made the choice to drink. within a few weeks I was a daily drinker. I was lucky in that in about 6 months I decided it wasn't working, called my friends down south and told them I wanted to quit, I blew off the first weekend, and the second weekend I got a DUI. I got out of jail at 5AM, and it was storming and I was lost. Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. I thanked God for that even while it was happening, I knew the feelings I was having would keep me away from a drink long enough to get some meetings under my belt.
So I have both the experience of being "powerless" and "making a choice to drink".
Today, I have a choice, but I firmly believe that "you aren't done until you are done." Whether it be trying to stop an addiction, an abusive relationship, a relationship with a practicing alcoholic/drug addict whatever.
It takes what it takes, that's just how that is in my experience.
About Alcoholics Lying, cheating etc. There are a lot of ways to steal, When I was drinking, I didn't steal money from my sig others, but I robbed them of any sort of emotional stability with my behaviors, sleeping with other people, not coming home for days on end, (this was pre 16 years ago btw, before I got sober the first time) I was harmful. I believe there are many ways to "steal", it doesn't have to be money, simply choosing alcohol over my relationship strips somebody of their dignity, their integrity, their peace of mind, abuse isn't just yelling, etc, I firmly believe that lying and many of the addictive behaviors are "abusive" and they can't stop it any more then whatisnames GF could stop herself from pooping on him....I'm not explaining this very well, but I hope you see what I'm saying.
As far as the A's in my Life, they didn't take food out of my life, but they lied. and lied. and lied. and lied.
They lied to themselves so they couldn't help but to lie to me. We are only powerless over that which we give power to, and I gave all my power to my mother and my relationship, and in doing so, was stripped of all my integrity, dignity, peace of mind, and quite frankly, my entire life.
What I mean by that is my mother promised me 30 acres, to let me build my house on that property, and to sign over her restaurant if I would come up and run it for her to support her, my stepfather, my sister, and my niece (going from a healthy 6 figure salary a year to make 16k a year, it wasn't as good a deal as it sounds)
I gave up my home, my friends, my Girlfriend, My business, I gave up my entire life to "rescue" my mother, and spent my "life savings" building the house. I believed her, I believed what she told me. My counselor, many of my friends (sober folk) have been telling me that's my crime, I believed what she told me. I ended up acting out, drinking, and generally turned into a really angry, nasty human being to be around.
After she got what she wanted, ie to retire and get my sister working, "she changed her mind" and when I got angry about it, She kicked me off the property.
As my uncle put it, "yeah Andrew, she stole the car, but the keys were in it" as in I gave her the power to completely ruin my life. She didn't "do" that to me, but I have to say, when I walked away 6 weeks ago, I swore I would never speak to her again. 20 years of "rescuing" her and my junkie sister from their codependent relationship is just too harmful to me.
The sick sad part, is because of my inability to deal with my alcoholic mother, my addicted sister, and my alkie/abused as a child XAGF, my behavior ultimately
got harmful to them. I lost the ability to be healthy, I gave it away, by staying in the relationships, situations, whatever, I....just wasn't a very nice person any more. To have an emotional reaction to "abuse" isn't "abuse" and I wasn't "abusive" but I got
SO F'd up, I just wasn't a very nice person to be around any more.
So anyway, Active addiction, makes me harmful to be around, and giving my power to practicing alcoholics/junkies makes me homicidal and suicidal and makes me harmful to be around.
Today I choose health, I choose healthy decisions, I choose healthy people to be in my life, and I choose not be in unhealthy relationships
ANY MORE.
Anyway...I have no idea if I made any sense, or made my point, my phone keeps ringing so I've lost my train of thought.
Off to work out, see my sponsor, then a bff, then off to a meeting, have a great day everyone.