(((cassey)))
You are not alone and you are not weak. You are starting to recognize what needs to be done and, like lots of us, feel stuck. I was right where you are for months, heck maybe years. I finally reached my bottom just a week ago, I finally had my AHA moment.....it's ugly and it hurts, but I'm riding on the promise of so many here that with time it will get better.
When you are dealing with an irrational person who is so deep in denial, and so good at dragging you into it (the denial), it's hard to sort out what's real and what's not. IMO that's where they like to keep you......constantly doubting yourself and keeping off-centered. It's hard to listen to your gut when there's so much noise in your head.
I suppose I still love my AH, but I'm going to have to cut him free or the dynamic of our relationship will kill both of us. He'll keep drinking and I'll keep getting sicker right along with him.