Drained...
I know its scary. I've been in a very similar place before. So many things helped me...prayers...the support and love of friends and family...the wonderful advice that I received from this SR family from people who understood what I was going thru...the love of my son...but I have to say the most important thing I did was I stopped making decisions in my life that were aimed at making my exah get clean...I got really selfish...and one decision at a time, my life began to improve.
Its a scary walk but you only have to take one step at a time. What ONE thing can you do to improve YOUR situation today? It doesn't ahve to be big...start small and work your way up to the big stuff...with each small decision or step in the right direction you gain courage and strength so that the big,scary steps dont' seem so bad once you get to them.