"Today is a new day, full of endless possibilities."
My ABF got out of bed at a reasonable time this morning, around 9:30 am. He is still jobless, but got dressed in nice dress slacks and a white polo. He received a phone call from a tree company that wants to trek to Louisianna to help with the hurricane aftermath.
I have such mixed feelings about this, but am trying to let him make his own decisions, because after all this is his life. I told him that I was concerned that this could just be a 3-4 week job and he could be right back where he was. It is the beginning of October. I am due in 8 weeks to have our baby girl.
I have very few friends in the area. My co-workers are proving to be more supportive than him or his family as far as this baby is concerned. And now, to top it off, he's leaving to go 4 hours away to make money.
I know his problem is not mine, and that I can't control it----but I am afraid of what him going out of town can do to him. He has been trying to stay sober (and failing miserably). Last night I worked at night and came home to a buzzed man and four mysterious 16 oz beer cans in the garbage, which he tried to hide.
I'm glad he's trying to be supportive financially, but I'm angry that he doesn't see it as a problem that I'll be all alone during this last leg. I can't help but wonder if this is preparation for a lifetime of being a single mother.
So many people have told me that leaving should be a no brainer. He is constantly without a job and didn't even want the baby to begin with. Right now I have health insurance that will completely pay for the baby's birth. If I go home to my parents (1700 miles) I wouldn't have that, but I'd have lots of love.
Yesterday I went to the doctor for a consultation and told him I wanted it documented that I thought he had a drug and alcohol problem to protect me and the baby should I leave and there was a custody battle. The doctor told me to run for the hills.
I know no one can tell me what to do. I want to thank you all for listening though. Between "blogging" daily and talking to my parents daily it is quite possibly some of the best therapy that I can get for free!
Tomorrow I am not backing out of Al-Anon. I know that I need to go. That I need that support. I just hope they're like all of you have been!