Your situation sounds familiar, only my XAGF didn't have kids. She was farther along that your wife when I met her. She already could not hold a job. She when through the LUNCH DRINKS, and was first twice for it. Now by the time a kicked her out, she hadn't held a job in 4 years. Just temp agency stuff here and there. A lot of the stuff you descripted sounded the same, one thing that really stuck out was the OCD. I do suffer from OCD, and my XAGF showed signs of it, but I believe it was due to the alcohol. When she did try to quit for a few weeks, the OCD think started to calm down.
Hope this helps, good luck. read, read, and read.