Why are you reading the book “Addictive thinking”? Why are you putting so much time and energy into the whys of his addiction instead of the why’s of you and why you continue to tolerate this?
I know for me when I was waiting for insight, searching for answers it became an excuse to avoid me having to take any action. We can accept the reality of our situation because we haven’t figured out the rhyme and reason of it all. This is an illogical disease we may never fully comprehend it but we have an obligation to ourselves and our children to accept the reality of which we live and to act accordingly.
Your husband got caught plan and simply and he used any excuse at his disposal which this time happened to be work. And yes he’s going to flip the script on you and of course blame you, that’s what addicts do.
Your badgering him about getting help will only build his resentment towards you not force him to do something he doesn’t want to do. Your threats of leaving him mean nothing. You can’t manipulate or coerce someone into doing what you want them to do, it just leaves them resenting you more and more with each attempt.
He started crying and you felt bad, what about all the tears you shed due to his addiction, how bad does he feel?
I think you are on the right track when you stated “I haven’t been on for a while, and i think it is my way of living in sort of denial...when I’m on here it makes it all too real that my life is what it is.”
What happened to your plans of getting a job and continue counseling for yourself?