Your first post could have been written by me, that was my ex alcoholic boyfriend to a tee. He was always getting underpaid for one reason or another, constantly loosing his job, couldn't get full time work only agency stuff which was temporary. He would sit at home all day, using up the electric, food, making a mess, inviting his other drinking bums over. I would be at work all day and come home to find the house a complete pig sty, empty cans around, smelling of pot.
He would also always have money for beers, money for his tobacco and pot. When we were so poor, I was walking to work, no electric and getting food parcels from my parents, he would dissappear and come home with smokes, drunk so much he couldn't stand up, but it was always his ''friend'' who paid apparently.
He drove me to the ground financially, I am still repaying the debts. The truth of the matter though is that it only happened because I allowed it to. I allowed him to stay in the house, with no money coming in, using me and our home. I allowed him to manipulate me, and I deceived and lied to myself so much that thingscould get better, that he was trying; that my whole perception of what reality actually was for me was distorted.
When I came to SR, I was still thinking that way. After posting here for 5 months, reading Melody Beattie and other recovery material, and doing some hard work on my issues, my fears, my need to control, I was ready to throw him out.
He is now doing the same thing to his father as what he done to me, and his father is, so far, also allowing this to continue. He will continue drinking until he uses up all his favours, until people stop allowing him to use them, until he has no where to go and no one to go to.
Have a read of the stickies and a very big welcome to SR!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx