Fraid to say the path you're on can only end badly I reckon.
Pills and drink and being a teacher can't mix, how long before a pupil realises, parent complains or your health gets too bad to turn in ?
As you know there are other paths though ..............
I too find things hard at times sober, keep having to remind myself I would be worse off going back, might still sometime, then I'll eventually be back in your shoes .......
Its a cycle but with time I hope we can break the cycle !
As I write there's an advert for vodka on the Telly, temptation is everywhere.
I hope you get well and enjoy your career before you get caught out.