I have the same problem: that I don't like myself much, even tho I like myself/my life better sober than drinking. But I'm working on my self esteem issues, at least I'm dealing with it sober.
I hope you can find peace in your life. You sound like you want to be sober and clean-living, for the good of your body and soul. But you're afraid of how you'll get along with yourself without any chemical intervention. Me too. But I'm still going to stay sober cause I like life better that way.
Welcome back. We'll be glad to support you in a clean and sober life, you know that. Do'nt stay away too long.
:ghug3