Looking back
It's still so wierd to say that I'm in recovery for his alcoholism. I read posts here where children are involved and even some that there are not and see the sickness.
It feels so strange to look back and know I was there. It honestly feels like a different life. I didn't see how I could get sick from something someone else had.
At one point you could not have told me things would get better, that life would be nice.
I educated myself about the sickness because of my children.
I wanted a family so bad that I didn't take his inventory and how it would fit with my life. I was never around an alcoholic so I had no idea by the time I realized there was a disease around me I had three new babies.
I fought everyone who had anything to tell me that did not fit in my plan to make HIM better. Giving up on him was not an option for me at that point. I guess I had to go through years of trying. Well..........I know it now! Eight and a half years later and everything that I got mad at was what it took.
Luckily the only smart thing I did right was to remove him from our home when my children were infants and never allowed him back in but for weekend visits.
Life with an alcoholic has made me feel like Buddha. lol An all knowing person however I know things I wish I never had the opportunity to know.
Seven years ago I started taking my children to church and going to anger management meetings, codie meetings, counseling, group counseling, forums until I find myself here to try and help others. I still learn even to this day with my ah.
I am still legally married but not with him.(physically in our home)
Our children have two parents that love them. They know about alcoholism sadly. They know their fathers continueing fight. More then anything they know I have protected them. They have so much respect for me and that feels great!:day4
They do not know what chaos they could have been in and I like it that way. No matter what I do in my entire life I love myself for that. Good me! lol
So even though you may think hope is lost it doesn't have to be. You just find a way to work with what you have as long as it's not toxic to you or your children. It may not be normal to society or even your friends but you do what you have to to make life good enough.
I know I will never EVER go back to the way things were. It was the very pit of hell.
I just wanted to share.