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Old 09-25-2008, 09:01 AM
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Ph.D in insanity!!
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Looking back

It's still so wierd to say that I'm in recovery for his alcoholism. I read posts here where children are involved and even some that there are not and see the sickness.
It feels so strange to look back and know I was there. It honestly feels like a different life. I didn't see how I could get sick from something someone else had.
At one point you could not have told me things would get better, that life would be nice.
I educated myself about the sickness because of my children.
I wanted a family so bad that I didn't take his inventory and how it would fit with my life. I was never around an alcoholic so I had no idea by the time I realized there was a disease around me I had three new babies.
I fought everyone who had anything to tell me that did not fit in my plan to make HIM better. Giving up on him was not an option for me at that point. I guess I had to go through years of trying. Well..........I know it now! Eight and a half years later and everything that I got mad at was what it took.
Luckily the only smart thing I did right was to remove him from our home when my children were infants and never allowed him back in but for weekend visits.
Life with an alcoholic has made me feel like Buddha. lol An all knowing person however I know things I wish I never had the opportunity to know.
Seven years ago I started taking my children to church and going to anger management meetings, codie meetings, counseling, group counseling, forums until I find myself here to try and help others. I still learn even to this day with my ah.
I am still legally married but not with him.(physically in our home)
Our children have two parents that love them. They know about alcoholism sadly. They know their fathers continueing fight. More then anything they know I have protected them. They have so much respect for me and that feels great!:day4
They do not know what chaos they could have been in and I like it that way. No matter what I do in my entire life I love myself for that. Good me! lol
So even though you may think hope is lost it doesn't have to be. You just find a way to work with what you have as long as it's not toxic to you or your children. It may not be normal to society or even your friends but you do what you have to to make life good enough.
I know I will never EVER go back to the way things were. It was the very pit of hell.
I just wanted to share.
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Old 09-26-2008, 04:10 AM
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You sound like a wonderful mum.

I feel exactly the same way. A new life. The sense of relief is amazing. I never thought I would be so free of stress and anguish.

I was with my ex for 5 1/2 years. Over 3 were when things were unbearable. I don't know how I got through it.

It's so wonderful to get a peaceful nights sleep instead of laying there with one eye open praying he won't be home late, praying he wont bring people back, praying he won't have been in a fight...
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Old 09-29-2008, 09:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Stubborn1 View Post
It's still so wierd to say that I'm in recovery for his alcoholism. I read posts here where children are involved and even some that there are not and see the sickness.

I know I will never EVER go back to the way things were. It was the very pit of hell.
I just wanted to share.
I'm just beginning to realize that in order to help my ABF I have to be good to myself and my unborn. That I need recovery because of my co-dependency.

I know every situation is different, but I just wanted to say tha tI respected your decision to separate from your AH before your children got too old.

I am struggling with whether to stay or go, and my baby is still in utero.


Your post gave me courage, and hope for a life away from all this sorrow (and the PIT OF HELL) I felt I knew exactly what you meant by that. I feel like I'm in a nightmare and can't wake up.

Thanks again...

K
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Old 09-29-2008, 09:56 PM
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Originally Posted by orviske View Post
I'm just beginning to realize that in order to help my ABF I have to be good to myself and my unborn. That I need recovery because of my co-dependency.

I know every situation is different, but I just wanted to say tha tI respected your decision to separate from your AH before your children got too old.

I am struggling with whether to stay or go, and my baby is still in utero.


Your post gave me courage, and hope for a life away from all this sorrow (and the PIT OF HELL) I felt I knew exactly what you meant by that. I feel like I'm in a nightmare and can't wake up.

Thanks again...

K
I remember your posts. I was in the exact same spot. Once I left and went to my mothers it ate at me until I went back to him. It didn't take long for him to treat me like garbage. It wasn't totally horrible but it would progress to worse. I see me in you. I wish I could go pick you up and drive you to your families and they could keep you there for at least six months so that you can see for yourself he has no interest in changing. He'll tell you promises and because you are an emotional basket case right now you will hold on to his words. Then after the baby is born you will be a wreck because your hormones will be out of whack.......it takes a few months to get back to normal and realize that you CAN have a nice life.
I hope for you that when you do have this baby that the entire world disappears and your only goal is to surround yourself with positive people and know what love is. You would not want what you are going through for your own child. I know that. I do think about you and wonder how you are. I really have been there.
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Old 09-29-2008, 10:11 PM
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Originally Posted by orviske View Post
I feel like I'm in a nightmare and can't wake up.
Oh, sweetie - you're here - you're waking up already!

Looking back, I stayed stuck in my unhappy situation, in part, because I just couldn't think outside of the box.

I thought taking care of myself (in a really meaningful way) meant divorcing my AH, and, for a long time, I just wasn't ready to do that.
It kept me stuck.
I didn't want to be where I was, but I didn't want to be finished with him forever.

Luckily, I began to see that other options were available to me - Stubborn1 spoke about her arrangement and the freedom it has brought to her.
There are all sorts of possibilities! If you need to stay with your parents for a little while to give yourself some time to come up with creative, peaceful solutions, then so be it.

Get yourself a good night's rest. Eat something delicious. Surround yourself with good conversation and laughter. Sing that baby a lullaby.

You are getting healthy - that's one lucky kiddo!

Peace to you.
-TC
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