Tib...getting sober is an inside job...you know it and I know it.
I like you see the many flaws and inconsistencies in aa....the ones that we all talk about from time to time here at SR, in fact many of the flaws in the program are brought to light by it’s supporters.
I know how hard it must have been to call all those people, hell I had trouble calling my sponsor everyday...it’s ok to be upset and frustrated, but in the end you want to be free...free from your addiction. It can be done without aa, plenty of proof of that here at SR, right here on this thread.
Go to meetings if you need to....”Take what you want and leave the rest” I did early in my sobriety...I did 90 in 90...not because my sponsor said so, because I needed the constant focus...I needed to hear the stories...to know that change was possible.
Long before my 90 days were up I knew aa was not for me, but remaining sober was my goal....I followed thru with my commitment to myself...did my 90 in 90...eventually by 10 months sober I was down to a meeting a week...the way that Bill intended it to be...confident that I no longer needed any face to face support, I left.
Simple...utilize the support, you don’t have to follow the “suggested” program...just hit up meetings when you need them...no rule that says you can’t.
The goal Tib is to stop killing yourself....
BTW...disregard anyone who tells you to go get drunk...to drink is to die in aa....How many people do you think that gem has killed....